I'm not sure what to do.
My parents, a year ago, promised that they were shouldering the financial expense of raising Little J with us, 50/50.
They paid for us to go to court with C last December, where we won custody. They paid the whole shot, about 15 K.
Since then, they've contributed zero.
So I don't know if I'm supposed to assume that we pay the next 15 K to even the score. Or was that a separate expense?
Shawn thinks it was a separate thing altogether and that it does not relieve them from owing 50% of current expenses.
I just don't know what to think.
I know that my relationship with them is fragile and I'd hate to damage it.
And yet I feel like they're letting us down, leaving us with all these expenses for glasses, braces, clothing, school fees, etcetera.
I don't get it.
What would you do? Seriously, I'm looking for advice.
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3 comments:
That is such a tough call. Maybe try to just talk to them...explain what the expenses you guys are incurring are and that you aren't sure how long you and Shawn can do it without help. I don't know how things work in Canada, but I'm assuming you can't get any kind of insurance for her without having permanent custody or adopting her.
OR be point blank. Ask them if they are counting the 15k as part of their share for her upkeep or if they'd like you to send them copies of the expenses (an expense report, reciepts, whatever)that you are incurring.
Money is such a hard thing to approach with family. If I remember right, you're closer to your Dad, so maybe start with him?
Sorry I'm not more help. ~hugging you tight tight and handing you some green gummies and a roll of shocktarts~ I love you.
Lisa? I really don't think you're going to see that money. I mean, sure, maybe they're waiting for you to tell them what your expenses are...but my experience is that people who intend to give you money will kind of push it on you. There's a social taboo about money, about talking about it and taking it -- even between parent and child -- and I think if they meant to give you some money for LJ they wouldn't wait for you to ask. Because most people never would. They'd be too uncomfortable.
Maybe they said it because they wanted to feel like they were doing something nice even though they couldn't afford it/didn't want to/whatever. Maybe they see her as *your* kid now, and therefore your total responsibility. Maybe they really wanted to help but realized that they aren't comfortable enough financially to do so and are now too embarrassed to take it back.
Whatever the case, I really don't think you're going to see much money from them. Talking to them will probably not change that; it will only be stressful for you and embarrassing for them, and without much in the way of returns.
A favorite Arabian proverb comes to mind: Forgive, but tie up your camel.
I appreciate these thoughts.
I think I'm going to feel better if I accept that Little J is our responsibility, entirely, now. It makes it easier not to expect anyone else to keep their word.
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