Friday, August 19, 2005

If I act normal.

If I act normal, if I act like I don't care, then eventually maybe I will feel normal and no longer care. Is that right?

This morning we talked. I said, "I feel much better now. I was being overly dramatic yesterday." Is that true? In part, yes. But not enough.

I have no right or reason. It's almost like I'm just as annoyed by the idea of someone else getting something as I am by the idea of me losing something. And that's petty. I am petty.

Thursday, August 18, 2005

"Kathy I'm lost," I said, though I knew she was sleeping.

I have no right to be angry. I have no reason to be sad. I'm tired of competing for shreds of invisible nothingness. I forfeit. This time I'm not playing.

I wasn't even in line.

And I continue to not be in line.