Friday, November 27, 2015


So I hired a lawyer.  This was never really the plan.  I was thinking a bit of tough talk might cut it.  (Nope.)  Or some wangling and begging. (Also nope.)  It turns out no one wants to get involved in these sorts of things, even when they know you're right, because it opens them to liability.  And no one wants a lawsuit.  No one.  Not even industry experts with thirty years experience to back them.

So after a lot of sleepless nights, I decided to go the legal route, with all its costs and extra stresses.  I find myself obsessed in the truest sense of the word.  I am having trouble thinking of much else.  It interrupts my sleep all the time.  And my work is suffering.  Maybe I'm having trouble focusing at work because I'm having trouble sleeping.  Seriously.  I cannot sleep.  And I'm so tired.

I've been pretending I'm not worried about this, but I'm worried about this.  What if I actually live in a world where people get away with this kind of thing?  It's entirely possible that I do.  And this steals a bit more of my sleep.  I'm pretending to be confident because I think it might help me win.  But I'm actually not confident.  I'm tired.  And I'm unsure of what will happen next.


Wednesday, November 11, 2015

we'll see

Yesterday afternoon I had an appointment with my eye doctor.  I was forty-five minutes early which forced me to wander around the shops and buy shoes.  Buying shoes made me feel better about the fact that my eyes have been bothering me for the last few weeks; feeling dry and gritty and sore.  And kind people keep coming up and asking me if I've been crying, which I have not.  Less kind people are undoubtedly whispering that I must be high.  Because my eyes are red.

The eye doctor did that horrible test where they shoot a puff of air into your eye, and you're not supposed to blink, but it's so hard not to when you know that it's coming.  And she gazed into my eyes through that magical machine that makes it possible to see everything that's going on inside a person's eye.  And she put weird yellow drops in my eyes to test how quickly they would evaporate.

Her diagnosis was not earth shattering.  I have dry eyes.  They hurt because they are dry.  And they are dry because they hurt.  And so forth.

I have some eye drops.  And instructions about warm compresses twice a day.  It seems to be helping.  But it might just be the shoes.


Monday, November 09, 2015


and Hugh Everett III's theory is in the book I am reading, For the Time Being, which turns out to be about quantum although I did not know that when I started to read it.  Goddamn right, it's a beautiful day.


Saturday, November 07, 2015

going to stop pretending that I didn't break your heart

Today I learned:
"E ="is Mark Oliver Everett.
Mark Oliver Everett is the son of Hugh Everett III, quantum theorist.
(Things the Grandchildren Should Know)
I like that.  Whichever way the wind is blowing.  I like the way this is going.