Friday, October 28, 2005


This afternoon I took an afternoon nap, for the first time since I became worthless. I've been resisting that, because it feels more worthless than anything else to spend the days sleeping. It wasn't a real nap because I didn't actually manage to fall asleep. But it was real in that I laid out flat on the couch, covered myself with a blanket, cuddled the dogs, and closed my eyes. It felt nice.

Thursday, October 27, 2005


I'm going to Kat's house for the weekend. And spending Halloween with the little one.

This is what I need, exactly. To do real things with real people. I need a job again and some good old fashioned stress. Living like this is too luxurious. It makes neuroses necessary just to pass the time.

Reality Check

I think it's time to rejoin the real world. I cannot function successfully in this one.

Monday, October 24, 2005

Angry angry angry

I'm so angry. I'm so sad.

The last two days have been awful. I feel like I've lost the only person who meant anything to me in the godforsaken pit and I want to go there, to the Idiot's house, and punch her in the mouth.

Boohoo poor me, my heart hurts more than anyone else's does. My sensitivities matter more, I'm more delicate, I'm more fragile, I'm more important.

I don't know how I got here from where I was a week ago.

I want to smash everything.

Sunday, October 23, 2005


The last thing I said was whiny.

So I don't entirely regret that it's been eaten up somehow.

If these kinds of spaces are only used to complain, whine, vent and cry... then it appears as if the owner is a bit of a kook, no?

Because she writes nothing when she's happy.

It's a terribly onesided universe.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Trying to Remember

My first reaction when you criticize me is an overreaction. Being hurt makes me angry.

But now I'm trying to remember not to be hurt by or angry at your constant criticism and correction. I have no way of knowing what you expect. You are the only one who is an expert in your own bullshit. I won't be corrected. I am not trying to attain your levels of narcissistic self-absorption.