Saturday, November 26, 2016

let me down gently

On Thursday afternoon one of my students was arrested by police and taken from the school in handcuffs.  Details are sparse, but it appears he made a threat to his previous school, the school that expelled him for bringing a knife to class.  This is a troubling thing, particularly troubling because we knew that this was likely to happen.  We knew he presented a danger.  We knew he was mentally unwell.  We rang the alarm bell and nothing happened to prevent it anyway.  Because we live in Canada, it is more difficult - but not impossible - for a teenager to get ahold of a gun, and I have no doubt that if he could have found one, he would have used it.  In our debrief of this incident, I wonder if this will come up as part of the conversation, the fact that we knew this was coming, and were powerless to stop it anyway.


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My family has left me alone for the weekend, and I am enjoying the quiet.  Although I no longer enjoy extended periods of aloneness the way I used to, I do enjoy a few days to myself with no one to comment upon my quirky eating habits or to suggest I put on clothes instead of spending the whole day in pyjamas.


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Tomorrow I am volunteering to serve breakfast at a local shelter.  I have to be there at 7am, which is not particularly early for me, but will be painful for the students who are coming with me as they are accustomed to an 8:30 start.  I appreciate their spirit of outreach, a spirit that I do not recall possessing at seventeen, at least not in a way I could turn into action.  My seventeen-year old outreach involved making what I thought was meaningful graffiti, and protesting animal cruelty by (timidly and halfheartedly) mumbling comments at people wearing fur.


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Friday, November 11, 2016

indulging in my self-defeat

This morning I started out with a plan to walk but could not stop my feet from running instead.  It was a victory celebration of long weekends, dry sidewalks, and of fully caffeinated coffee.  Joie de vivre.  Things will be fine.

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Saturday, November 05, 2016

something to see

Physiotherapy stirs up the vertigo ad spins it around a bit, so it can settle back in a tidier way.  The sensation is slightly anxiety-provoking; I tell myself I should drink more wine to increase my comfort with dizziness.  The physiotherapist laughs at me.  This was an inside thought that escaped.

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We went for lunch with B and N at an Indian restaurant.  Most of the time I think food is for keeping me alive, but Indian food is for loving.  I make a terrible lunch companion because I am focused on the food rather than the company.  (If you want my full attention, invite me out for steak.  I'll talk to you the whole time and you can take home my meal in a doggie bag.)


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Shawn bought an enormous kayak.  I still don't believe it will fit in the garage.  He has big plans for us this summer, which I find hard to imagine as it has barely stopped raining the entire last month.

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A. sent me a message on behalf of C.  He does that when he is drunk and I hate it.  I do not like being told to contact her.  And I do not like A, not even a little bit.  His Colin Farrell thing is revolting.  I keep trying to like A. and it won't take.

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