i know that one of us, i’m not saying who, has got rocks in her head

N has won the Battle of Whine. (And with Government Employees Union on strike, wine is in perilously short supply.) There isnt value in debating these things with N because he sees things in a small way. His kids, his sport, his time, his convenience, his life. My bigger picture attempts at showing him the Long View just dont land anywhere. i have to save my energy for things i can impact. (Remind me of this often, please.) M encourages me to take a medical leave. Fake it 'til you make it, and that sort of comedy. i tell him i cant. i cant get down off my moral high horse to do the exact thing that makes me craziest about everyone else, harhar. (But truthfully, whats more is that i could very easily fake my way into being unable to leave my home and go to work. Its always hard.)

hallmarks of illness

there is this strange dichotomous feeling that pulls me in two directions. on the one hand i have the second job at the university ("faculty associate" sounds like such a grown up career) and the doctoral program application in process... and on the other hand, as summer winds down i just want to quit my job and do nothing but sit on the couch. i cant take a middle road; it's too much or it's nothing at all. *