Anyone in the world.

the district sent me an email congratulating me on being selected (one of 16 people, but out of how many applicants, i wonder?) to participate in some three-part series on equity and advocacy with professor somebody. i feel as though this is something prestigious because they are providing a catered lunch at a time when most events are asking their participants to pack a bag lunch - which is embarrassing but that's another story. i can barely remember applying to participate in this thing, and i don't remember why i wanted to. it is possible that i was just looking for ways to be out of the building, which i do a lot; i need ways to break up long weeks. it is possible that i am not really the best candidate for this thing.

Total defiance

my watch just suggested that i "take a break". while i appreciate this idea, the timing is odd, since i am already lounging on the couch like a sloth. i am not sure how much more relaxed i can get unless i go to bed. (which isn't to say that i'm opposed to the idea of going to bed.) i spent a nonsensical amount of time trying to access my courses on the university website before i finally gave in and enlisted tech support. if the whole program is going to go like this it might just be too hard for me. tech support sent me new credentials and we pretended it never happened. rw told me that getting a doctorate isn't about being smart, it's just about hanging in. i wondered if this was an insult or if it was meant to be reassuring. (i did not feel reassured.) -- and i find rw's neck beard a bit disgusting. he is a man who travels softly between looking rugged and looking dirty, and while i believe my appetite for the latter is stronger than many women's, i do not find it appealing when rw starts to look like he lives in a tent on the downtown east side. anarchist guitar playing philosopher, yes. homeless man with beard mites, no.

Tried to fight the creeping sense of dread with temporal things

(most of the time i guess i felt alright)