intervene

We are two days away from the end of the work year; these days are an uphill climb, which is the one of the biggest changes from my former to position to this one.  These last days of June used to be slow paced.  I would clean up my room, organize myself for the next year, and spend time with colleagues.  Now I am chained to my desk until the last minute, trying to make hundreds and hundreds of perfect schedules that leave no students - nor staff - upset and disappointed.  (This is an impossible and thankless task.)

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Yesterday afternoon was the the golf tournament, and I can't say I particularly enjoyed it.  I actually played the game, which may be why it was less fun.  My teammates were invested in me in a way I didn't want them to be.  Maybe this is how students feel when I am invested in them passing classes they don't care about.  My team wanted me to be good at golf, and I could not have cared less.

Today it's pouring rain, for the first time in months.  This is good.  I want it to be dark and sleepy and quiet while I finish my work.


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movement

Wednesday afternoon - drinks.
Friday night - beach.

Perspective shift.  (Shift and soften.)

(It softens ahead of Sunday, which always does damage.)


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more tarriffs

There are two weeks left in my work year, two weeks that will be filled with all the administrative garbage that goes with this job, scheduling and timetabling for next school year, and then undoing the work that has been done because teachers want to make changes, and then undoing that work because students and parents want to make changes, and then doing it all over again.  This is the time of year when the rest of the staff are taking it easy, and sending me invitations to join them for long lunches, sunshine patio beers after work, all of which I don't even have time to answer let alone attend.  It's usually the worst two weeks of the year (aside, perhaps, from the first two weeks of September).  With that said, I am entering these two weeks less frazzled than usual, partly because I have learned the job to a greater degree and know how to do most of the things people are asking me for.  And partly because I have also learned how to say no to some things that I used to answer reflexively in the affirmative.  CC is on mat leave, and has been replaced by someone who is a far more pleasant colleague.  I am trying to just enjoy the new situation - but of course I am already thinking about how awful it will be by comparison when CC returns.

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I think I have fallen into a new routine that has taken the extreme dips and crests to a more central place.  Even still, navigation is a challenge.  I do not know what I am doing.  I really do not know what I am doing, and it doesn't make sense.  I am drawn to those zen-like things that people say about things happening for a reason, but the reason here is probably not so wonderful (I have something to learn... I have something to teach... ).  Probably the reason is that I am incapable of - or disinterested in - acting like an adult.

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