Since C started to work a recovery program I have learned more about The Twelve Steps than I ever wanted to. Something I find exasperating about the whole program is that people like me, people who want to help, are suddenly labelled with an illness, "codependency" and deemed to be addicted to the addicts. We are urged to attend Al-Alon or Nar-Anon meetings and to spend our lives "recovering" from our disease and "working the steps" to recover from our illness. It makes me want to barf.
The fact that C has made idiotic choices in her life, and the fact that I want her to get better so she can raise her daughter- who I happen to adore - does not make me ill. If we're going to talk about being a little too sensitive for my own good, or a little too tenderhearted to always make the best decision, I'll cop to that. But it's not a disease. It's compassion, it's love. It's empathy. I don't need to work through twelve steps or spend my evenings in meetings in order to recover from that. I don't find anything wrong with it.
Am I deluded in feeling this way?
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2 comments:
You forgot: enabling. I hate that word, that whole concept, as if the loved ones are the responsible parties because they "enabled."
Oh lord, yes. I forgot about the enabling. I listened to some woman talk about how she, the "codie", had "RELAPSED"(!!!) because she had "enabled" her son by lending him money. The whole thing is infuriating. It's not that I don't understand the fact that you don't lend/give money to a drug addict... it's just the whole culture of behaving as though the entire family is ill because they care about the addict and want to help them. It's not our fault and it's not our disease. If C had cancer I would not undertake chemotherapy. And as she happens to be a drug addict I don't plan to go to NA meetings. What she has is treatable if she so chooses. What I have is the normal human condition.
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