hear the wind sing

When I was an adolescent I belonged to a "Junior Achievement" group, a fact which is somewhat bewildering in and of itself, though I joined specifically and only because a friend of mine did and then found it to be enjoyable on a social level in spite of the fact I had no interest in any of the educational objectives of the program.

One night a woman entered the building at the end of the evening's activities, and I heard someone say, "Lisa, it's your mother." The woman was not my mother; my parents, in fact, never had anything to do with dropping me off or picking me up from the program. I always got a ride with the friend's parents. So for some reason I made the assumption that since the woman wasn't my mother that she must be the mother of another girl in the program whose name was also Lisa.

And I went down the hall to tell that Lisa that her mother had arrived to pick her up. I didn't know this other Lisa, just knew her name and felt mildly irritated with her for having it. I called across the room to her, "Lisa, your mother is here."

And she snapped back, "My mother is dead." I don't know what it was that made me think she was kidding, but I did. Partly, I think, because I thought she was being dramatic, the way someone might say, "Henceforth you are dead to me!" and probably more because I was still in that nice place where no one I knew had ever died. Anyway, my impression was that she was using some kind of strange black humour on me and so I laughed.

My laugh caused her to toss her long black hair and stare at me with one of the darkest looks I've ever seen, and she said, "What's funny about that? She's dead."

I was totally stunned and didn't know what to do with that. And so I turned and left without saying anything else, leaving this girl, no doubt, with the impression that I was some sick weirdo laughing at her pain.

There were lots of times after that when I wanted to approach this girl and tell her I was sorry and explain that I had misunderstood her but I was afraid to. It's hard to define exactly what it was I was afraid would happen if I apologized, but I just didn't know how to approach this hard angry girl that I barely knew and tell her I hadn't meant to laugh at her. Instead I avoided her and tried to pretend it never happened.

If I knew her now I would tell her I was sorry. I would find a way. Since then I have learned how important apologies are when you're in the wrong.