C phoned again and now she has developed a new plan of action, one which involves leaving treatment and getting an apartment for September 1st. I'm somewhat comforted by the fact that I can't foresee how she will actually be able to execute this plan, but she has surprised me on numerous occasions in the past. Time to go back to holding my breath. I've been blue all summer.

She's angry with me about the custody order that she signed a little while back and now feels that I'm the devil trying to steal her baby. She has no idea how I feel, that I don't want this job - although I love the little girl with all my heart - and that if she would just get well enough to do the job properly herself I would throw her a ticker tape parade and return custody in a heartbeat. I'm a little scared about what will happen if she decides to continue down this path... My greatest fear is that we will end up having to fight it in court. If we win, she will be destroyed, probably commit suicide. If we lose, we will never see Little J again.


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