nothing can hold me when I hold you

Shawn's getting a new car and he's so happy about it.  His father is selling him his old car - which is not an old car at all - but has been driven for only three months.  It means being able to get a new vehicle without having to pay the huge taxes... so it's a good deal in the long run, but not something we would have been doing right now if things hadn't worked out this way with his Dad wanting to sell immediately.  Officially, we don't take possession of it until after we sell the house back in Alberta... but in fact, his father wants us to take it this weekend.  Shawn is nearly dancing with glee.  I'm glad he's so happy, but I cannot help but feel some misgivings over seeing my old car be so joyfully abandoned.  I don't know why I'm attached to the old beater.  Maybe just because it's my first car.  I think we'll donate it to a charity - or perhaps even give it to a single mother who's friends with Shawn's stepmother.  Maybe I'll feel better about saying goodbye if we do something nice with it like that.

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Kitchen renovations are once again stalled.  We found out, in the middle of the installer doing work to install the new cabinets, that the tile we chose for the floor is too heavy for the current subfloor and requires a new subfloor being put down.  This, of course, means the cabinet guy cannot install the cabinets until the new floor is in place.  So, we're back to being stuck again.  No progress.  Sandwiches for dinner again.

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Round one of my evaluation went well.  I got to read the write up today and it was very positive, the best part being that she said she declined to write anything in the "Areas for Improvement" section because she thought there was nothing that needed improvement.  I was happy with that - but disappointed to learn that this is a three part process (I had been thinking only one) and that I get to do it all again tomorrow and again on Friday.  From a purely procedural point of view, it's the right thing to conduct more than one evaluation knowing that you can't get a "whole picture" in just one class - so I understand it.  And yet, I'd been looking forward to being done with the stress of being evaluated.  I guess I'll have to wait a little longer to relax on this score.

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Once again, I'm supposed to be writing.  I promised to have the newest draft of the documents in everyone's mailboxes first thing in the morning, which means I need to send it out before I go to bed.  The smart thing, of course, would be to be doing it right now, but I don't want to.  I want to do nothing.  

I had a conference call this afternoon, during my lunch break, with all the clients, and got the idea that they want some fairly major changes made quite late in the game, so it's not like it's a five minute thing.  It's big.   But I don't want to do it.  I feel sleepy.  And lazy.

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During my lunch break (and during the conference call, in fact), three girls came into my classroom to rehearse their directing project.  Somehow through the course of their rehearsal, two of them ended up getting into a huge argument that escalated into name calling and cursing and door slamming.  It was rather frightening, actually, and talking them back down to rational was no mean feat.  

One of the girls, of course, was the one who'd been gunning for me earlier in the year; she's a girl who seems to thrive and delight in conflict.  I had a hard time working up any sympathy for her tears in the aftermath of that fight, but maybe that made me a better mediator since I wasn't feeling emotionally attached.  

When things like that happen, I always feel confused.  I cannot imagine being so volatile or feeling so uninhibited about exploding whenever I felt like it.  It's always shocking to me that there are people in the world who do it.  Even people who it with regularity.  I wonder if they find it cathartic or if they feel bad afterward.

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