Friday, May 04, 2007

scratch and dent

"I choose to experience my wellness from anxiety by vibrating in harmony with the number 51."

Sometimes when I feel anxious I think about that. Though I don't think the number fifty-one does much to make me experience my wellness in and of itself, that expression does sometimes make me feel like laughing. Maybe that's the point of numerology. Generally numbers increase my anxiety because I don't understand them. I suppose it is in self defense that I want to dislike that which I do not understand. It's satisfying to find fifty-ones amusing now whenever I should happen across one.

I have decided to teach Physical Education this afternoon on a day when I really ought to be at home writing. The writing is something I tend to accomplish in bursts (punctuated by anxiety) because I can't seem to be motivated by the thought of being finished. I require external motivation like a child. A deadline, a boss, a client, whomever. It requires someone to waggle his eyebrows disapprovingly.

The rain has been torrential and the grass is finally turning green in spite of the fact the temperature hasn't gotten very warm. The fat white bunny who comes to my back door every morning has turned brown. I wish he could know how much I like him, how pleased I am to see him.

The rain means that Phys. Ed. will be an indoor thing today. Sometimes rain makes me feel good when it doesn't last forever and when my basement stays above the waterline.

Later this morning before going to teach, I will go to the dentist to have my new "bite guard" fitted. This time I'm going to try harder to wear it every night so I can stop grinding my teeth down to dust. I'm also going to try harder to make sure the dogs don't eat it.

Tomorrow morning we are going to a private screening of Spiderman 3 for Shawn's company. I fail to understand why they are having this screening, what the movie has to do with their business, but it's still a nice treat. When I think of how (foolishly) frightened I am by spiders it seems weird to imagine a man who is part spider looking as angelic as Tobey Maguire.

This morning I'm going to try and do some writing... and figure out how to rent out our house too.


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