I decided to go, but I didn't tell her that. I just thanked her for inviting me and then called my Dad when she wasn't home and told him to save me a seat.
Mum was at the door of church greeting people, shaking hands and giving out programs. I came through the door nonchalantly and shook her hand and she started to cry.
I think I understand my mother better than I used to.
Five years ago when I was planning my wedding, my mother said she didn't want to be one of those mothers who interferes and overrides and annoys and that she wouldn't have anything to do with the planning. And I was hurt by that. I felt like she didn't care about the wedding - and I didn't know how to plan a wedding by myself. And I relied on Kat and Shawn who both did far more of the organizing than I did. And now I think that my mother was just hoping I'd tell her that I wanted her help and that she wouldn't annoy me by being involved.
It turns out, I think, that my mother is protecting her heart even more than I have been and that instead of being hurt that she seems to be offering invitations for the sake of form, and hanging back when I want her involvement... what I need to respond with is the reassurance that I want to know her. I want her in my life. I want us to be close.
Having figured this out makes things easier. Now that I get it, it's not so hard to understand it at all. Turns out that in at least this way I am just like her.
*
After I talked to Shawn on Friday about going to see my mum on Sunday, the phone rang and it was J. J was not doing well. N had come by to go through their belongings and divide everything up. I don't know how you do that. Who gets the kitchen table? Who gets the couch? Who gets the bed? Who gets the pets? In all cases, it seems she does.
He'd asked her to consider marital counseling. And a trial separation. She said no. She said she doesn't want to fix it, she just wants out.
Shawn talked to him for quite awhile, then hung up feeling awful. There's so little one can say or do for a friend in this situation. Then suddenly it occurred to us that since I was driving home on Sunday to see my mum, it would be easy for him to come with me and visit J. The pieces snapped together nicely and we set out early, at 6:30am, to make sure we'd be there on time.
It all worked out well. At the church I met an old friend - a lady I'd worked with when I was teaching junior high. After the breakfast I went back to my parents' house for tea and we got time to talk. And Shawn and J got time to go for coffee, have some lunch, watch a movie, and talk about J's situation.
When I drove back to meet up with Shawn, I came in to say hi to J. He didn't look good, poor thing. Shawn and I have agreed that when our own situation is settled and we know where we'll be living, whether it be here or Vancouver, we are going to invite J to live with us rent-free for a year so he can get back on his feet and not be alone while doing it. J has already mentioned wanting to move to Vancouver since he has family there. I think if we moved there he would come with us. I don't think, however, that he'd be interested in living here. I'm not even sure we are interested in living here. He might not take us up on this offer, but we just want him to have another option.
He'd asked her to consider marital counseling. And a trial separation. She said no. She said she doesn't want to fix it, she just wants out.
Shawn talked to him for quite awhile, then hung up feeling awful. There's so little one can say or do for a friend in this situation. Then suddenly it occurred to us that since I was driving home on Sunday to see my mum, it would be easy for him to come with me and visit J. The pieces snapped together nicely and we set out early, at 6:30am, to make sure we'd be there on time.
It all worked out well. At the church I met an old friend - a lady I'd worked with when I was teaching junior high. After the breakfast I went back to my parents' house for tea and we got time to talk. And Shawn and J got time to go for coffee, have some lunch, watch a movie, and talk about J's situation.
When I drove back to meet up with Shawn, I came in to say hi to J. He didn't look good, poor thing. Shawn and I have agreed that when our own situation is settled and we know where we'll be living, whether it be here or Vancouver, we are going to invite J to live with us rent-free for a year so he can get back on his feet and not be alone while doing it. J has already mentioned wanting to move to Vancouver since he has family there. I think if we moved there he would come with us. I don't think, however, that he'd be interested in living here. I'm not even sure we are interested in living here. He might not take us up on this offer, but we just want him to have another option.
*
Last Tuesday after having a positive conference call meeting with L and K, I felt inspired to get some work done. And that's the last time I have done that even though I guaranteed them that I would have that section done within a week's time. Our next meeting is tomorrow in which we will undoubtedly follow up on my work. Which I have not done.
I decided not to teach today and stay home, instead, to get myself caught up. I'm good with deadlines. I never miss one, but I tend to push them as far as they will go. Somehow I thrive on the stress of doing things under tight time lines. When I have all the time in the world I can't get started. Even now, knowing I have until tomorrow, and only seven sections to write, I am wasting time writing here instead of writing those sections.
I decided not to teach today and stay home, instead, to get myself caught up. I'm good with deadlines. I never miss one, but I tend to push them as far as they will go. Somehow I thrive on the stress of doing things under tight time lines. When I have all the time in the world I can't get started. Even now, knowing I have until tomorrow, and only seven sections to write, I am wasting time writing here instead of writing those sections.
*
Last night I cut up a giant pile of vegetables and presented Shawn with veggies, dip, crackers and cheese for dinner. This is my kind of eating. I love eating party food. And I love raw vegetables. Shawn was taken aback, I think, by the lack of dead animals on the plate but conceded this was a healthier meal than his standard desire for burgers or pizza. I keep promising myself I will feed him more vegetables and then getting lazy. He's not a picky person. He just eats whatever is put in front of him. If I cut up vegetables he eats them. If I don't feed him he orders a pizza. (You can see why we need fancy smart stainless steel appliances.)
Little Puppy and I are going to the vet again this afternoon to see if we can figure out why her eye is so pink. This has been going on for months now and I am growing increasingly frustrated. I hate it when there's something wrong that I cannot fix.
*
Little Puppy and I are going to the vet again this afternoon to see if we can figure out why her eye is so pink. This has been going on for months now and I am growing increasingly frustrated. I hate it when there's something wrong that I cannot fix.
*
Running into an old friend yesterday was a happy mistake. I was wanting to talk to her anyway about the program she took at the university because it is similar to the one I'd started to pursue my last year there. I'm thinking there must be something comparable either here or in Vancouver. Shawn thinks we can afford for me to go to school full time if I want to. Something to consider.
*
The work that looms ahead is keeping me typing here furiously. I see that L has already arrived in the online workspace and is probably asking himself why I haven't contributed anything since last Tuesday and wondering how it's possible that I am going to come up with seven sections of writing before 1:30 tomorrow afternoon. I am wondering the same thing, but unlike him I know I will manage it. He doesn't know me well enough, yet, to know that while I always slide things in at the last possible second, I never miss a deadline.
*
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