things to lose, things to take

My Punjabi lesson for today - with phonetic spellings:

-- my nose ring is called "koko"

-- crazy = "boolay-boolay"

My grade eight boys are so delighted when I try to speak Punjabi that I find it irresistible.  They are overcome with merriment when I struggle to make sounds that my mouth can't make and absolutely roll with laughter when I get things bassackwards.   The fact that they enjoy it so much makes me want to do it even though I know I'm making an ass of myself.  Heehee.

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My student teacher is really odd.  He's started following me around the room while I'm teaching, walking almost on my heels as I move around the room talking with students.  There's part of me that feels irritated and wants to snap at him to back off and give me some space... and there's another part that is feeling real empathy for someone who doesn't know how to behave in a new situation.

I was discussing this with our school coordinator today, the woman whose job it is to organize our school's participation in the student teacher program, and mentioned that unfortunately, this student teacher isn't the first one I've had who has had some very strange social behaviour.  Half-seriously,  I told her it makes sense since Drama is often where us social misfits find a loving home.  And she said, "So how did you turn out so normal?"

I told her I'm not normal, just a better actor than many of many colleagues.  She laughed hard at this, but I think it's actually at least partially true.  I feel compelled, sometimes, to behave in ways that I know aren't normal.  Most of these compulsions are anti-social, like the desire to stay home instead of going out to social events.  Or wanting to eat lunch alone in my classroom instead of in the staff room.  Or sitting in a loud chatty group of people and being unable to open my mouth to say a word because I am so overwhelmed by the noise and voices.  It's just that I recognize these feelings as being slightly "off", and can force myself to act against what I want to do and choose to do what "normal" people do instead.  So it doesn't mean that I AM normal; it just means that I know how to act normal.

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I hurt my finger today when I somehow cracked my hand against a door frame.  At first I was afraid it was broken, but after a bit of time I found myself able to move it and all those things you're not supposed to be able to do with a broken bone.  Now I think it's just a sprain... but it hurts like hell and I don't think there's much I can do except wait for it to heal on its own.

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