i am thinking of your voice

I did some coursework last night in which the topic was schemas.  In the world of psychology, a schema is a mental construct, an idea of one's own self or of others that helps organize one's way of understanding people and relationships.  When people behave in ways that don't fit with the schema we have developed for them, we tend to either rationalize to make the behaviour fit, or else discard the new information we have received.  Changing schemas is difficult, far more difficult than making things fit, and it's one of the objectives of the learning theory of psychology.

When I read this, I immediately thought of N, my student teacher, for whom I am afraid I may have too-quickly developed an opinion of who he is and what he's all about.

Today I determined that I would attempt to do away with the negatives that I have both been told by other teachers, witnessed myself, and extrapolated in my own evil imagination.  A new day in which I would honestly and without bias, observe.

That's not an easy thing to do and it took some sharp internal reminders when I heard the inner voice being sarcastic.  But in the end, I'd have to say it worked to some degree.

It worked enough for me to extend some extra time after school helping him to prepare for Monday's classes.  It worked enough for me to try and gather up some empathy and help him to create his own desk space to work in and take some ownership of the class.  It even worked enough for me to listen to him tell me a very long story that seemed to have no discernible point.

I want to be the kind of person who can see progress and evolution, not one who remains trapped in the past.  I'm going to remind myself to help him improve while still remembering to spotlight what he's already capable of.

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