This fact is being concealed from Shawn's grandfather who, it is believed, would not take this news well.
It's strange how something like that can be looked at in such opposite ways. To Shawn, this was a comfort, the notion that she had been in control of her own final moments, in control of her last breaths. That she had chosen her time and died with dignity. But the idea that his grandfather would see it as a decision against choosing to be with him, a decision to abandon him, is very possible. When I think of my own parents, I wish them (no time soon) such a graceful passing - and yet when I think of my spouse, perhaps it is different. I just don't know.
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I just got an email from T; she isn't doing well. Her mother is dying of cancer while she fights her own battle with it - and her father, though faring better at this stage - also has cancer. She, as their only child, is trying to manage their finances and settle their property and make other arrangements while enduring chemotherapy and trying to raise a toddler. It seems that some people are given so much more to cope with than is truly endurable. Her own chemotherapy, of course, is making her frail and weak and she was admitted to hospital in another city while trying to help her parents and visiting her dying mother in hospital... how is she supposed to manage all this? I feel helpless and empty wishing there was something I could do, being powerless.
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The things I am most afraid of are the things I never write here because I feel as though putting them down in writing makes them more real, more true. I have been afraid for the last four days that my parents were missing or dead. They were due to arrive in Arizona on Monday and so, with the idea of giving them a day to unpack, I started calling on Tuesday. Their phone just rang and rang with no answering machine as was expected. By last night I was getting terrified. It isn't like my parents to be out late or to spend the night away from home.
Eventually I called one of their neighbours and asked her to go and check if they had, in fact, arrived at their house at all. I was thinking of all the roadway they'd have travelled and wondering if they'd been in an accident on the way. The neighbour said their vehicle was there, but that when she knocked on the door she got no answer. This was late enough at night that I found it strange and I began to fear not only for them, but also for their dog. What if something had happened to them and the dog was alone in the house without food or water?
I had been debating calling the police, wondering if I needed to call the police in AZ or in their home city, wondering how to begin the process of searching for missing people, and realising just how little information I actually have about my parents in terms of knowing who their friends are and how to find them in an emergency. Being borderline Luddites, they don't even own a cell phone.
This morning I contacted their property manager (they live in a gated community) and he said that he'd seen them that morning walking their dog and that they'd been in to the clubhouse to use the telephone and computer. This was a huge relief. A few minutes later I received an email from them saying that their phone and internet service is out and that's why they've been unreachable.
This mortality stuff is really starting to get to me. There was a time, not long ago at all, really, when I probably wouldn't have even noticed if my parents were out of contact for a few days because I wouldn't have tried to reach them anyway, or wouldn't have worried if they'd not responded. Last night and early this morning I was literally nauseous with fear.
Eventually I called one of their neighbours and asked her to go and check if they had, in fact, arrived at their house at all. I was thinking of all the roadway they'd have travelled and wondering if they'd been in an accident on the way. The neighbour said their vehicle was there, but that when she knocked on the door she got no answer. This was late enough at night that I found it strange and I began to fear not only for them, but also for their dog. What if something had happened to them and the dog was alone in the house without food or water?
I had been debating calling the police, wondering if I needed to call the police in AZ or in their home city, wondering how to begin the process of searching for missing people, and realising just how little information I actually have about my parents in terms of knowing who their friends are and how to find them in an emergency. Being borderline Luddites, they don't even own a cell phone.
This morning I contacted their property manager (they live in a gated community) and he said that he'd seen them that morning walking their dog and that they'd been in to the clubhouse to use the telephone and computer. This was a huge relief. A few minutes later I received an email from them saying that their phone and internet service is out and that's why they've been unreachable.
This mortality stuff is really starting to get to me. There was a time, not long ago at all, really, when I probably wouldn't have even noticed if my parents were out of contact for a few days because I wouldn't have tried to reach them anyway, or wouldn't have worried if they'd not responded. Last night and early this morning I was literally nauseous with fear.
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After receiving the news that my parents are, in fact, alive, we went to the hardware store to look at kitchen sinks. How do we switch gears so quickly? How do people come home from war and go back to work at Sears selling button down shirts?
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