I think it's a shame, really, that no one back then ever thought to ask me why I had suddenly started sucking my thumb, though perhaps if I'd told them they would not have believed me.
Instead of asking, they assigned a school counselor to talk to me and find out what the source of my anxiety was that had suddenly prompted me to regress. It was assumed I was having trouble making the transition from first to second grade, and in fact this was most certainly true, although it wasn't the reason. I remember that transition being both frightening and traumatic. I think this is exactly the reason that children are no longer "skipped" ahead in school, but back then it was fairly common practice to move children up a grade if they seemed intellectually ready. Emotional readiness wasn't really considered, and I was not emotionally ready.
I know I was asked if I wanted to go to grade two and I don't think that I really had any idea what I was agreeing to when I said I wanted to go. I know that when my father asked me I had the impression that he might be disappointed if I said no and so I said yes because I wanted to make my Daddy proud of me.
The adjustment was very difficult. I was a shy child and I struggled with not knowing the other kids, not knowing the teacher, and not knowing what we were working on. I distinctly remember Mrs. Robertson asking us to take out our Social Studies duotangs, and I, not having a Social Studies duotang and in fact not even knowing what the word "duotang" meant, burst into tears. I also remember her being exasperated that I hadn't simply asked her - but this wasn't the kind of child I was. I did not possess the ability to ask unfamiliar grown ups for help.
But this wasn't why I was sucking my thumb.
I remember the school counselor asking me a lot of questions. One of them was about my reading level. She asked if I knew I was a good reader and I said I did. She asked me why I was too good a reader to belong in grade one anymore, as though I had done something naughty and I knew I needed a pretty good explanation for my behaviour.
The problem was that I didn't know why I was a good reader. And so I made up an answer. I told her it was because my parents both worked all the time and had no time to read to me and so I had been forced to learn to do it by myself. In actuality, this was probably almost the exact opposite of why I was a good reader. I'm sure I was a good reader because my parents valued literacy so much that they read to me constantly from a time before I could talk. But the counselor moved on to the next question and so I felt I had satisfied her. In fact I had created some concerns for my welfare that were inaccurate. My mother was far from perfect but one thing she did, and did consistently, was read to me.
Another thing I remember the counselor asking me was to draw a picture of my friends and family. I can't really remember the drawing I made but I do remember being embarrassed trying to explain it to her because I knew my skills as a portrait artist were weak and felt that she would judge the quality of my friendships and family relationships on the strength of their artistic value.
I don't know what the outcome of these tests and interviews was. They went on for several weeks and eventually stopped. When I asked my parents about it they said it was because of my thumb sucking.
I was startled to learn that anyone was aware of my thumb sucking. And I was embarrassed.
The reason I was sucking my thumb was because Cindy, another girl in my new grade two class, sucked her thumb. While I wasn't astute enough to figure out how I'd learned to read, or to ask Mrs. Robertson for a duotang when I didn't have one, I had figured out that Cindy was pretty and cute and well liked by other kids in the class. And so I spent a lot of time observing her and trying to pinpoint what she was doing that I wasn't that might help me to fit in better. My brilliantly overdeveloped seven year old brain had narrowed it down to thumb sucking. Cindy sucked her thumb during story time, and so I decided I would suck my thumb all the time and out-Cindy her at her own game. A recipe for social success.
So perhaps it's a good thing no one ever asked me directly what was behind my regressive behaviour. Perhaps the truth would have alarmed them more than their preconceptions did. In a lot of ways it makes more sense to believe a somewhat neglected child who has been moved to a new class would seek comfort in reverting back to an infantile habit than it does to think that a disoriented and shy child would imitate the unacceptable behaviour of another child in order to gain social acceptance.
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I typed this memory while buried under thirty pounds of canine. I have found acceptance in the dog world at any rate.
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