There's a boy - well, a young man really - in my twelfth grade Drama class. He misses too much school. And when he's in class he sometimes seems unhappy to be there. He looks tired and he seems irritated with his classmates sometimes. This behaviour is confusing because there are other times I see a different side of him, a side that is intelligent and sensitive and funny and charismatic. I've not confronted him regarding the times I see his negative side. I assumed he had his reasons like I have mine.

On Thursday he poked his head into my office and said he wanted to talk to me for a second. I looked away from my computer screen expecting something short and... inconsequential. He said, "I want you to know that I like your class a lot. Sometimes I might seem kind of uninterested but I'm not. At least, it's not because of the class. It's because of my brother."

I turned fully away from the computer at that point, realising he was saying something important after all.

He said, "My brother, he suffers from alcoholism. And so sometimes there's a lot of pressure on me at home because I'm between him and my parents... and I have to side with them a lot because he's sometimes a real asshole."

I pushed the chair beside me out from the desk. "Sit down."

He kept talking. He said his brother had already been to rehab and relapsed, and was living at home again, slowly destroying his family's peace and unity. He said his parents wanted him to talk to a counsellor but that he didn't want to, he didn't want to take the time to establish a new relationship with someone that just revolved around this issue. He said he just wanted to talk to someone with whom he already had a relationship. Like me.

This was kind of surprising because I haven't felt like I was bonding much with this individual. And yet, he felt we already had a relationship that made talking to me easier. I felt truly honoured.

And I broke the rule about not revealing any personal information. I told him about C being an addict too. I didn't give him details or burden him (I hope) but I wanted him to know that my understanding wasn't just an understanding of the feelings he was describing, but an understanding of the situation itself. How it feels to watch someone you love slowly killing herself... or himself.

He seemed greatly relieved to have talked about it, not only about making sure I understood that he actually did care about his classes... but also about having had the chance to tell someone what he was dealing with. I know it doesn't help change the situation to tell people about it - because I've tried - but it does sometimes help to know there are other people who understand and who care.


*


Tonight C's boyfriend called to tell me she wouldn't be calling her daughter tonight because she is too sick. He said she has a high fever. I don't know what's really going on but I feel certain it's more than just a flu. The fact that this man elected to phone me frightens me, to be honest, because it makes me think C is unable to speak for herself. Unconscious perhaps. It scares me enormously and there's nothing I can do.


*

Tonight Little J showed me something she's been working on with her counsellor. It's a plan of action for coping with the stress of knowing that her mother has been overdosing. It says in the plan that she has fears about her mother dying. Until today I hadn't realised that Little J knew this was a possibility. I've been tiptoeing around that because I don't want to plant fears in her unnecessarily. And I haven't wanted to scare her assuming she still believed her mother was immortal.

And suddenly I see she does know. And she's handling it well. Amazing girl.


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