Our lawyer is mad at me because I made an agreement with C without consulting her. I don't know how I'm supposed to live this life without any control over my own decisions, over the hours I keep, my comings and goings, my everything. How is a person supposed to live like this? How does a court, how does a judge, how does a highly educated person not see how impossible it all is?
Our justice system is messed up. It penalizes those who win their cases, it re-victimizes the victim. It brings no peace, no closure, no rest.
Our reward for trying to save this child is criticism, reprimand, disapproval, judgement, judgement, judgement.
It's starting to hit home that in the end we are going to lose. Whether we lose through the courts, literally, or whether we lose through being harassed, annoyed, bothered, pestered, and ridden to death, either way our lives are no longer our own and we will have no peace.
I don't know what a person is supposed to do. Walk away from a situation? Walk away from a child who is drowning and let her sink? Or get involved and become a flotation device for an iceberg? How is a person supposed to survive?
I'm so bloody sick and tired.
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2 comments:
Even if you don't get a pleasant outcome, you did what you knew you had to do. And even if you don't get a pleasant outcome, little J goes into the world knowing on some level, someone thought I was worth it.
But all of this is so hard on you anyway. I am sorry. I hope you kicked your lawyer in the shin.
I should have kicked her, but I didn't. Instead I sulked which is one one my most frequently employed and least effective coping mechanisms. Thank you for the bolster, though... I can really appreciate a little encouragement these days.
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