Can you imagine us years from today - sharing a park bench quietly?

We're going to R&G's for dinner tonight. It's nice that we've made some friends here in our new city. Sometimes I'm so antisocial that it's kind of pathological. There've been some major changes inside me over the last five years or so.

I haven't talked to K since summertime. Last time I saw her she was still spending all her time with B; she claims he was able to stop using cocaine all by himself through sheer force of will. I don't buy it for a minute. I can't figure out why she does. Jenny mentioned that K told her she'd tried acid with B a few weeks before they came to visit. *sigh* I wish to god she would stay away from him, and from the drugs. I don't understand it. Suddenly our lives have forked in two totally different directions and I no longer know what we have in common.

It was such a short time ago that we spent every Friday night together talking about everything.

Now when I see her I feel like I'm at work. Talking with teenagers.

I can't really figure out what happened, whether she regressed or whether I have rapidly aged. Both, probably. Suddenly I can't stand being in a smoky pub or finish more than two drinks. And she's spending all her time with a nineteen year-old drug addict. What is this?

So we're going to R&G's for dinner. As I always do before we go out, I'm wishing I could stay home. I don't know why I always do that, because once I arrive, it's always fine. I've tried to figure out if I have Social Anxiety Disorder... and I don't. But if there is such a thing, I have Pre-social Anxiety Disorder. And Pre-Exercise Anxiety Disorder. And Pre-Work Anxiety Disorder. And Pre-Get-Out-of-Bed-and-Face-the-Day Anxiety Disorder.

I miss K.

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