I went running this afternoon for the first time in almost three weeks. But I shouldn't really say I went running because what I did was try to go running. At the sixth minute, which is halfway up the first hill, I realized with complete certainty that the symptoms I have been attributing to hayfever weren't just hayfever. I'm sick. Not sick like needing to stay in bed sick, not sick like not going to work sick, not, apparently, even sick where you know for sure that you are sick if you also have hayfever, but the hill left no room for doubt. I'm sick. I changed my plans from running to going for a walk which was still more than I've done in far too long.

All this time I thought I was just exhausted because of the Sadness. And still I don't doubt that Sadness opens the door for exhaustion and lack-of-eating and not-enough-sleep, and that they all find each other in good company. But I'm kind of relieved to realize that I'm sick and that this feeling isn't just how I'm going to feel from now on. Though there is nothing I can do about the Sadness, I know I can recover from having a cold.


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