I spent today with Jesse -- about which I was totally apprehensive. There was all the typical weirdness around seeing someone that I hadn't seen in more than ten years, but that wasn't really the part I was worried about. I didn't care if he looked the same or not (he did) and I was sure my ego could take it if he didn't try to sleep with me (he didn't). I was worried more about what his mental state would be and whether I could handle being around him in that state, whatever it might be.
The thing I didn't know, having been out of touch so long, was that Jesse has been to treatment. He was better, a lot better. Maybe the extra years of wisdom helped too, but the difference in him off the drugs was enormous. And I moved from feeling very nervous about seeing him, frightened and slightly sick, to only wanting to avoid him in the same way I want to avoid everybody, even the people I love the most.
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Oh yeah. I smoked with Jesse... three cigarettes! -- which is the most smoking I have done in more than ten years. I felt like throwing up and it was so good.
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"...wanting to avoid him in the same way I want to avoid everybody, even the people I love the most."
Yes.
(I am not stupid, just irrational and stubborn.)
But are you waterproof?
I am water-*resistant*.
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