telling my life

The last couple of days have been heart wrenching. I'm not recovering from my heartsickness like normal people do. The car crying has started again. And the shower crying. And the crying-before-Shawn-gets-home-from-work. What's wrong with me? Why aren't I getting better after all? Why did I think I was?

I feel like I'm living a double life. There's this normal, controlled, semi-organized, reliable, pleasant professional person who goes to work (when she doesn't have pneumonia). And there's Crazy Lisa. She cries all the time. She feels irrationally upset; she is a drama queen. Privately.

In fact there's even a third girl. Because there's the girl that lives with Shawn too. She's mostly nice. She's loving and patient and vulnerable and mostly pretty sane with his help. Shawn doesn't get subjected to Crazy Lisa very often. I try to keep her in the car as much as possible where the rest of the world doesn't have to try and accommodate her frailties.

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