Dave had a lot of problems, and sometimes he just made me too tired to be his friend. But that night I felt like I had energy for him, and there he was, in my head, interrupting my time with my friends. So I phoned him. And interrupted him in the middle of a suicide attempt.
This part of the story doesn't mean anything. I do not believe I have magical powers or the ability to see into the future or any such thing. The problem is that now Dave does. Fifteen years later or so, he still thinks I saved his life, and that there is something about me that equals redemption, salvation, something like that.
There was a time when I would have thought it would be nice to be thought of like that. But in truth, it's a nuisance. I can't just say hello to David because he looks for deeper meanings. I cannot touch him without it meaning that I am directing some divine force into his very soul. It drives me crazy.
Times like now, when he is caught in the eddies of his depression, he is particularly annoying because every time I speak to him he thanks me as if I have given him a great gift, tells me all the time how I continue to save his life. Actually, it all kind of makes me want to kill him.
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6 comments:
I love the last line here especially. It isn't easy being a prophet, a saviour (note Canadian spelling) or a guardian angel, but sometimes you just have to suck it up and deal. Not that I would know. It's a quandary - you can't even tell David to take a hike because he would think you meant it was time to walk the spirit trail or something. I feel your pain, even as I laugh at your words.
I sent you a message somewhere. Can you find it?
perhaps it is ok (at times) to be a gift,,,some sort or another,,reckon?
Susan, I like the Canadian spelling. It looks nice, doesn't it? I am quite attached to that extra letter "u". Hah, take a hike is tempting sometimes, but I will probably just suck it up and deal.
D - got it.
Big Paw, your question is interesting. I have thought about it a bit, and I reckon maybe I am uncomfortable with being thought of as a gift. It's just so much responsibility. What if I am a disappointment? I hate being disappointing.
I figure Dave needs the mystical, aches for a beyond-the-realm connection. Yep -- you probably did save his life inadvertently. But I think the question is why does he have this need -- a need that probably cannot be satisfied?
A very good question. Maybe he needs to need something he can never have. Maybe lots of people need that.
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