All the time people say if they could have done things differently they would have gone to school and gotten an education. I sometimes think if I was starting over I wouldn't bother. In a family of people who all had PhDs you might think I would have experienced pressure to do the same but I didn't. My parents told me in my final year of high school that they wanted me to know that it was okay if I didn't want to go to university. They probably intended this to be supportive but my suspicion was that they meant they sort of thought I couldn't. It certainly meant they weren't funding it. This may have had something to do with why I went to university. But not really, not really because I had no idea what else I could do to delay adulthood.
It isn't that I didn't enjoy my undergraduate years. I did, though mostly for the social aspects. In those days I liked being with people all the time, all the time. In fact I extended my undergraduate years by changing programs so I would finish with two degrees instead of one. But I didn't do that so much because I was loving school as because I still wasn't ready to have to find something to do with myself. I had started out promising in elementary school, skipping grades and being drafted into gifted education programs, but by twenty years old I was stalled out.
If I was choosing over again I do not think I would study theatre or education or even psychology which is a more recent decision. Instead I think I would go and learn woodworking. Maybe cabinet making, or furniture building. I have the right temperament to work in the trades, more so than in academia. Not that teaching high school is even remotely academic. But I worked for the university, briefly, while living on the winter prairies, and the endless meetings with mentally masturbating professors bored me to death, not because I couldn't follow their conversation but because I did not care, I do not care about outwitting people with words. I'm not a professorial type.
But if I spent my days building things instead of having to talk to people, I think I would be less lost sometimes. Building things makes me feel like I have purpose. But I do not presently have the skills to build well. This is what I would have liked to learn.
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9 comments:
You really are a kindred spirit. I also had no taste for smug intellectuals whose greatest thrills came from one-upping others. My ex-husband and his friends incessantly played a nasty game called Botticelli, which I loathed. It was the quintessential "smarter than you" exercise, and the concept simply never resonated with me at all.
But yes, making something has always been my greatest pleasure. As a child, I was always building things and they said I was "creative" and sent me to college to kill my creativity and turn me into an agreeable, dulled robot. But it's never too late. You should find a way to do what you really love to do. Start as a hobby until you get good enough to do it as work. Life is too short to be trapped living only in your head and ignoring your other talents.
I strongly believe that each one of us harbors a talent that, in fulfillment of our life's purpose, should be honed, shared, and enjoyed. It's why singers sing, writer's write, and healers heal.
I'm always impressed by people who have the capability to outwit, but I admire the people who know they don't have to.
@heart - Kindred in many ways, I think. Botticelli sounds like something I would not like either but maybe it's more fun to play smarter-than-you with people you love than strangers. Maybe not. You do not strike me as agreeable, dulled, or robotic, which makes me think you did some living to go with your college-ing. What is the difference, by the way, between college and university? In Canada I think these words mean something different than they do in USA.
@Brown - I like the idea of having a purpose... but it troubles me to think I have only one, especially if I have not found it yet, most especially if I never do. Have you found yours? (That might be too personal a question to ask someone I just "met" so I won't be hurt if you ignore it.)
Your query is certainly deep, but not even near too personal. I appreciate your politeness nonetheless.
I don't know if I have just one overall, defining, purpose....I'm not even sure if anyone does, unless you’re the son of God, or the Dali Lama. I think most of us fulfill many purposes (some conscious and deliberate, and others unknowingly) and it's entirely possible that these purposes change, or evolve.
I spent a good portion of my life seemingly without purpose or direction until I discovered massage. Consequently, I do believe that I am fulfilling my “current” life’s purpose. I believe we are always fulfilling our purpose in the present moment. You are exactly where you are supposed to be at any given moment. I think the best we can do is not squander our gifts, blessings, and opportunities. Pursue our dreams and desires. And help others as much as we can along the way. Ultimately, I feel that God’s intention for us is not defined in the same way our mind defines purpose and therefore we are happiest when those definitions and understandings align.
Thank you. You're actually telling me, maybe by accident, what I think I want to hear, which is that the 1) our purpose can change and evolve, and 2) what we do in each moment has purpose until we do something else.
I had this uncomfortable wondering about along the lines of ... "What if I was always meant to do X and I've been doing the wrong thing all this time...?" An unpleasant thought. I like better to think what I am meant to do change along with me.
I appreciate that you have found what is your purpose now too, and I like that you recognize it could change.
The terms are different in the US, yes. I think a university is a collection of colleges, each of which offers a degree in a specific discipline.
I should have added that American kids refer to going to college, whether their college is in fact part of a larger university or not, while I believe Canadians say they are going to university.
maybe you can do both woodworking and psychology. I have stumbled into woodworking and currently am trying to integrate a narrative perspective into traumatic death. See owensbox.blogspot.com if you are interested
Interested does not begin to describe it. How does the narrative perspective come in as you build a box with the families?
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