Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Got this feeling that today doesn't like me ... the air tastes like flowers and paint...

We celebrated Earth Day a day early for reasons known to no one, and the festivities for me included standing in the rain supervising a terrarium filled with compost while damp teenagers shoved each other in line for free ice cream and paid no attention whatsoever to the fascination that is compost. By the time I noticed the enormous slug that had made its way out of the terrarium and onto the side of my water bottle I had had enough. I think I hate Earth Day. K told me that I am an Enemy of the Planet because I like to have the heat on and the window open at the same time. He says I make David Suzuki cry. I think he's right, which stings, because this is the kind of thing I usually think I care about.


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I used to have a dream about an oscilloscope. I think that's what it's called... the thing that measures the accuracy of a musical note, its pitch I mean. I could see the lines straining to stay straight but always straying slightly from that perfect control. The line would wave minutely and then increasingly wildly and internally I would feel the same thing happening to me. Tumultuousness. I was afraid of that feeling, struggling to stay upright, slipping and slipping and slipping. The air would roar inside my head while I watched the electronic line snap and and stretch until I woke up breathless with my heart pounding. I always felt that by this point I should be somewhere very far from where these kinds of dangers were still so real. With so much time between you and me, I still wanted to call you and ask if you would come get me.



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2 comments:

Spindrift said...

That must be in the car, windows down, heater on. It couldn't be in the house. I wonder if that's with the air conditioning as well or just the heating. My head is so curious about this. I think you must like exhaust fans also. bathroom, toilet, kitchen. Or maybe fresh air, maybe it's all about the air. It's funny, I have to take myself outside every once in a while, kind of like the air dusts me off. I feel it on my face and it refreshes me. Like I know that I'm alive. Yours is probably completely different. You just got me think'n:)

mischief said...

Yes, I am inside the car with the heat on and window open so I can have cold air on my face. It's all about fresh air; I think I would be easy to smother. This works best when it is cold outside and warm inside. Somehow cold air feels more fresh. Going outside to dust off - I like that - it is exactly what I mean.