Tuesday, December 03, 2013

could've been worse than you ever would know

Exhausting.  The parents of Diva Numero Uno were upset with me as predicted.  They wanted to come  in for a meeting with me and the Vice Principal.  They were even more upset than I expected them to be.  They said I was a bully and accused me of harassing and labelling their daughter, encouraging others to bully her, and applying vigilante justice in my classroom.  I told them they know nothing of what kind of a teacher, nor what kind of a person I am if they think things like this about me.

After an hour and a half of going around in circles about what a terrible person I am, my administrator managed to get the meeting back to focusing on their daughter's lousy behaviour.  It took a long, long time to get there, but they did eventually concede that their daughter needed to stop being such an ass.  I think they left still thinking that I am also an ass, but I do not particularly care.  I mean, I wish they could know who I really am, but I accept the fact that they don't.  And I'm okay with that.

This was my first experience with the new administrator, and I was pleased with him.  He mediated the meeting well and debriefed with me afterward in a way that made me feel supported and appreciated.  (And it's not easy to feel supported and appreciated after someone calls you a names and insults your personal integrity.)


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I have been reading The Perks of Being a Wallflower, the movie version of which was so popular last year.  And I find it strange and choppy.  Sort of quirky and interesting, but also a bit uncomfortable.  I have not decided if I like it or not.

It was a surprise to find To Santa Claus and Little Sisters in that book.  I wonder why I know that poem, where I first read it.  When I read the opening line I could immediately remember the last line, so it must have made an impact on me wherever, whenever, I read it last.  I wish I could remember where I have seen it before.


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There is a tremendous amount of upheaval at work.  The new principal has been, for reasons known only to herself, poking every bear she can find.  And the bears are now roaring.  Today N sent an email to several Fine Arts teachers, including me, asking for support for her program (at the cost of ours).  Strategically she addressed this email to those she felt would support her cause and not to those who she knew would not, including the Department Head.

It felt yukky to me.  I like being N's friend, and I like that she thought she could count on me for support.  But I do not like that she was trying to round up an army and that she was asking the opinion of several people who aren't really Fine Arts specialists, and also of the new teacher who hasn't been in the game long enough to have an informed opinion (although she feels free to express one).

I wrote back to N, cc:ing everyone who was addressed in the email, telling her that people and relationships are more important to me than the outcome of any kind of debate like this.  And did not respond to any of her questions.

People are upset about all kinds of other things too, and it's making me tired.  This is the first real shake-up I've had with new administration, and it isn't pleasant.  I wonder why the new principal is so determined to change everything we do.  And I also wonder why people are so defensive about what they do that they are so incredibly uncomfortable looking for ways to improve.

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Sometimes I get a strange feeling that lands near the hollow in my throat.  It feels like emptiness but it also feels like overflow.  I try to take big breaths when I feel that feeling to make it grow smaller, but the air sort of misses the mark.  It feels like I need more information so I can cry about something instead of being the kind of person who cries for no reason.  It feels like I need to know what I miss.  Who I miss.  And why.  And if I feel these things more clearly, more precisely, and these aches can move to their rightful places in my heart and in my gut and in my mind, instead of hovering in that strange place where I cannot quite feel them.



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5 comments:

Secret Agent Woman said...

The parents' reactions give you an idea of how the Divas became divas. But I'm glad your VP supported you. I see several teachers from a school where the new principal has caused all sorts of upheaval and distress in the school. So demoralizing for the teachers.

Sometimes that lump of sorrow isn't about one thing it's about many. Makes it hard to identify.

mischief said...

I am surprised by administrators who choose to have antagonistic relationships with their staff. It seems like common sense to assume that staff will work harder and better if they feel valued and appreciated. But I have never been (and never would be) a principal so maybe I just don't understand what it's like.

Thank you for the good thoughts regarding Diva-girl. It has been discouraging hearing the parents say such negative things about me when I have given their daughter so much of my time and energy over the last five years. And of course they expect me to continue even though they are completely thankless.

Yes, the throat-knot must be many things. Otherwise, how could it get so tight?

mischief said...

PS: You are a good understand-er. I feel like I just had small a therapy session with you. Thank you. :)

Bee said...

You're not Mischief at the moment. You haven't been for the past few posts. I don't know what it is. And I'm not having a go, it's just an observation. I feel like I've lost a chunk of you somewhere. I wonder why I feel that way. It's not that I've lost 'you' as such, just that there is something different that I can't put my finger on. Hm. Hmmmm. More hmmm. Have a cuddle. Silly parents. I was called all sorts when I was doing my stuff and the head teacher was crap and you came away feeling that you were everything that the parents said you were. And I wasn't. It was just that little Johnny was a complete sod.

*Johnny is a made up name. His real name was Toby.

mischief said...

It's entirely possible. Sometimes I lose track of myself too; I do not really know what I mean by that, but I know it is true. There are only two weeks and a bit until Christmas break. That might help. I'd kick Toby in the shins for you if I could.