The school board keeps absence records for the staff the same way the staff keeps absence records for the students. Today I looked at my record. I didn't miss very many days because I usually don't, but what I found interesting was that I could use my notes here to track the fact that there wasn't a single absence this year that could be attributed to illness. One was simply playing hookey to go play with friends who were visiting from out of town. One was a court day for the custody hearing (legit), these last few were bereavement. But most of them were days I had pretended to be sick and stayed home to write papers. I guess I don't actually get sick very often. But I feel sick today for real.
Today I arrived early for work somehow, wasted time for awhile, felt increasingly sick, and then without thinking about it just stood up, locked my office, and went home. I didn't tell anyone I was leaving, I just left. I'm not teaching right now and I have nothing to invigilate. Still, I'm supposed to be at work. This was stupid because if I explained I didn't sleep last night because J was having a bad night and that I was feeling ill, admin would have let me go home anyway. But I was too tired to talk, too tired to explain myself. At home I slept on the couch because I felt I couldn't make it up the stairs and I wanted J to know I was there with her even though I was a zombie. Then after three hours of that I came back to work. I still feel sick and zombie-like but somehow I convinced myself to be a zombie in my office instead of at home. J was feeling better.
I have to go to commencement tonight. Fortunately I just stand there and hand out pieces of paper. No talking. Just brain eating.
I got 93 on the paper I wrote in the two days following my sister's death. I don't really see how that is possible. I can't even remember what I wrote.
Three more days of work.
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