One of my students was murdered this year, the last day of school before Christmas break. By another of my students. I have not yet been able to say this to myself enough times that I can quite believe it.
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It has been more than five years now since my sister died. When her funeral song plays on the radio it still crushes my throat. I wonder why that song plays on the radio so long after its time. For a brief while a non-profit was using the song to convince us to send donations. You couldn't get away from it. I guess it's that sort of song, the sort that's meant to crush your throat closed even when it doesn't evoke specific images of your dead loved ones. I find it unbearable. J chose it; she knew it as something her mother listened to. I would like to think she was too young to really hear the lyrics, but she probably was not. That song may be the reason I cannot go home any more.
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6 comments:
Oh my gosh, that's terrible about your students.
When my brother died, his twin chose the Crosby, Stills and Nash sonf "(Wish I Could) Hideaway" to play at the funeral. It still breaks my heart to hear it and I'm thankful it's not one that plays on the radio.
Yes, all kinds of terrible. We had a strange week of security people and extra counsellors all over the building. Then they all faded away and everything went back to the way it was as if nothing had happened at all. It's hard to process.
I'm sorry about your brother. I am always surprised when grief that has been lying somewhat dormant suddenly surfaces as powerful as ever. With a theme song.
Sorry to hear about your loss. So tragic. Besides my mother's funeral when I was a kid, the second most gut-wrenching one I ever attended was the father of a girl I dated in junior high. Her father was in the military and one day he just dropped dead on a run. He ran marathons, so it was unexpected.
Anyway, it was my first military funeral...they do what's called roll call, saying the names aloud of everyone in the deceased person's squad. Of course there is no answer when his name is called...3 times. Then Taps is played on a bugle. It's a song who's notes are heavy and tug on your heart. If you don't cry during roll call, the bugle will draw it out of you....slowly and hypnotically, as the realization of lost love begins to sink in to your consciousness.
Military funeral sounds extra painful. I have never been to a wake, but I think I would prefer that kind of service, one that focuses more on laughter and celebration rather than on loss. I have been to several funerals of different types where they have made an effort to tell funny stories and share happy memories, which I've appreciated, but the overall tone has always been so sombre. When I die it is my wish that people will have a party rather than a funeral service, and no one should cry.
Agreed. I was raised Catholic, and after a wake there is a celebration. Everyone makes food...there is always so much food, and it is brought to the house of the deceased. People drink alcohol, eat, and share stories. Moments are genuine, yet vacuous at times...laughter peppered on conversations like cinnamon on a latte that's too hot to drink. You are consoled by people you barely remember, and you find you have just enough strength to force a smile to let people know you're still alive. You don't really want to eat, even though you are hungry. For a second, you ponder how you will muster the strength to cook later, but then you remember you don't have to worry about cooking for a long while...there is so much food. And then you realize that you are not forcing a smile.
Yes. It sounds terrible and beautiful at the same time. I want there to be some way to let that is less painful.
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