I see it in my own eyes; they betray my secret in the mirror when I brush my teeth. Robot. I go to work, I juggle and dance, I smile, I sigh. I pretend I am filled with energy, I pretend I am engaged. I pretend because it convinces me. There is nothing to gain by convincing anyone else, and even if there was, no one else is watching. Robotlike, I get dressed, go to work, come home, eat dinner, go to bed. I smile, I laugh. It's artificial intelligence. Robot.
My productivity has dropped to about 50%. I have called a hiatus for the rest of this month from congregating, rehearsing, from torturing one another with our obnoxious presence. I vant to be alone. It is dark at 4:30pm and my body tells me to go to bed. No one notices I am not working. I have begun to invest more energy in evasion than in doing. (This year's October is brought to you by January.)
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2 comments:
Well, that doesn't sound good. :(
Yeah... experiencing a bit of teacher burnout, I think, which is unfortunate just coming off Christmas break. Although my job is very rewarding when it is rewarding, it can also be very draining at times. Like most jobs, I imagine.
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