You look the same but everything else is different. The air between us is changed. There are things I have let go of, and in letting go of them they have also let go of me. I cannot inhale what I am looking for. I consider telling you that calling yourself a narcissist in a self-deprecating tone, small laugh, does not make narcissism any more palatable, but that feels like unnecessary roughness (and maybe I am talking to myself anyway). I would also like to tell you that I missed you for years and years but I cannot remember what that felt like which renders this irrelevant. I lean toward you and pretend that I still love you, I lean away and pretend I do not know you, and the transition between the two is seamless.
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7 comments:
It seems the nature of narcissism is to not hear what the other is saying--unless it reinforces what they want to hear. Some things don't change...
Oh, I suspect that it is relevant, if only in the conclusions.
You have to have some poetry-ness hidden in there somewhere. You put words together in such a way that meaning just pours out.
Oh narcissists who think that is a charming trait - don't get me started.
I can relate to remembering that once there were feelings, but not being able to recall what they felt like.
This summer I had lunch with a man I loved madly when I was 22 and never forgot. I'm still trying to piece together how I feel now, certainly not in love with him although he is still attractive, bright and charming, but I can't decide if I actually like him even. Love and pain are both feelings we can't recall when we are not experiencing them anymore.
Too be entirely honest....I have no earthly idea what you're saying, trying to say, or even why. However, you do it with such poetry that I wish I did.
I think my reactions went something like: Oh. Yes. I know this. How beautiful. And sad.
And they were the words, or words in my head. And there were feelings. And then I cried.
JBC: Lots of things don't change. It's sort of comforting when things stay the same, even after so long.
Jerry: Dammit, you were right about relevance. Forty-eight hours is all it takes for you to be right.
Secret Agent: Sounds like you've been there too. I wonder if I'm charming if I call myself Lazy, Selfish, and Obnoxious.
Susan: I wanted to sit at the next table and watch you have this lunch. I can tell you how you feel by watching you interact. I'm magic like that.
Brown: Hah, what can I say. I'm not really sure I understood what I meant either, though I understood it better afterward than before. Try not to let it keep you awake, okay?
Pixie: Don't cry. I'll do it for both of us. x
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