Wednesday, May 18, 2011

just open up the door and fill your mouth with freedom's feeling

Two counsellors are my school are sick now, each one working half time which still leaves me working a full counselling schedule instead of teaching.  Shawn says I am doing voodoo so I can take their jobs.  I'm not, not really, but I do like their jobs better than I like mine.  Mine is too loud and as the generation gap widens I find myself less and less amused by teenagers imitating things they have seen on Youtube.  I'm too old to know what Youtube even is.  I have also learned why counsellors wear pretty shoes; because they can sit down all day if they want to, but I have opted not to sit.  I go get my victims in person instead of phoning and ordering them like they were pizzas.  I own pretty shoes but I hardly ever wear them.


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Shawn bought a new car which is what boys do, I think, when they get new jobs.  He bought me a lawn tractor as a consolation prize, and although I love mowing the lawn, riding the lawn tractor is a lot more fun than I thought it would be.  Yesterday he shouted out the window at me as I rode by, It's not a go-cart!  


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I said T was a lint ball and I was wrong.  I thought he was writing to reminisce, which was annoying because I liked him all tucked away in the distant past.  And I am not so much a fan of Modern Technology and the End of the Clean Break.  But he wasn't writing to reminisce, he was writing to apologize which makes him less a lint ball and more some sort of spiky thing, like a burr that is tangled up in my hair, a bit prickly and taking more effort to disentangle than I wanted to dedicate.  And slightly painful.  

It would have been nicer if I had responded but now it has been three weeks and though I have spent almost exactly 21 days trying to think of what to say, the problem is that I am still completely ambivalent.  And now I have lost control of this ending because there are an infinite number of ways for silence to be interpreted.


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3 comments:

glnroz said...

i may not always undertand exactly what you are saying, but i certainly always enjoy how you say it,,,

mischief said...

Now this comment, Big Paw, is fascinating in light of what I just learned about writing neeeckkeeed. It seems that while some us may struggle to take it all off, others, like myself, may forget that a foundational garment can keep things civilized and provide a little structure.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

I still miss my lawn tractor. It's been more than 12 years since we sold our house in TN and included all the garden equipment, but it was really hard for me to part with our John Doe.