I don't know how I missed seeing the hummingbirds last year, because it turns out that they're at the feeder all the time, all day long. On Friday I was thinking that maybe hummingbird time was dusk but since then I've seen them feeding at various times throughout the weekend. They're so pretty and delicate. Is it human nature that I want to trap one because they're so free? (I know why the caged bird sings...) No, of course I won't do it. It's just one of those impulses I feel - the same way I always think about jumping off footbridges when crossing.
I took Little J to visit her mother this morning. I find these visits painful to sit through, but it's that or pay $80 a week for someone else to supervise them. That's almost car payment. Or the cost of hiring a maid to clean up this pig stye. I wonder, at times, if Little J will eventually stop speaking to her mother (I would) but then I also think that the bond between them is strong and that children always seek some kind of relationship with their parents even if it's barely tolerable because it's just the way we're made. Or something.
This afternoon Shawn has promised to take Little J out on a date, leaving me some peace and quiet to finish my research. I hope I can get focused by then. Right now I feel like playing outside in the dirt.
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