Ethics and virtues

In a doctoral level Ethics class, over Zoom, a student used the word "retarded" to describe governmental policy around licensure of the counselling profession. The first time she said it, I thought I must have misheard her, but she said it a second time to remove all doubt. No one said anything, not even the professor. Maybe we were all too startled to react, or maybe it's just me who thinks that this word isn't the one to choose for this situation.

Stella

The shift to brighter and more creative things was more difficult than anticipated. We had to put down Em today. I took the afternoon off to be with the family as we said goodbye. Cried for awhile. Then packed it all up tightly and went to the interview feeling soggy and glum. But they sent me an email 20 minutes after the interview ended offering me the job. Which made me cry about Em some more. I miss him so much already, neurotic little weirdo. I don't know what my exit strategy at school looks like yet. But it makes it so much easier not to feel overwhelmed by the tidal waves that keep picking me up and tossing me around. Refusing to attend unnecessary meetings is very liberating.

Shift

Tomorrow is the interview. Current mindset is that I want out of public school forever. This has been a terrible week and a half. I am completely wiped out. The kids are off the wall, but that isn't even close to being the worst part. The staff have gone crazy and I have been spending way too much energy on adults and their toxic relationships with each other. V continues to wage war on everyone, scorched earth. S sent me an obnoxious email about a kid he decided would fail math based on his dislike rather than upon her ability. Three angry parent phone calls, all about things that have nothing to do with me. Two and a half hours of unpaid overtime at the end of the day to get caught up on paper and email that I would normally juggle during the day if I wasn't managing other people's garbage. So. I will need to rest my brain and do a mental shift toward something brighter and more creative and positive before the interview. The way I feel now I may not want to bother giving notice.

Thinking about thinking

✅ V has decided to declare war on K, the adminstrative officer, and when V declares war there are no holds barred. For several days now I have been cc:ed in various attacks she has made on anyone and anything connected to him. She prefaces her attacks with "you are a respected colleague and this is not about you, however... zing!" It's always something people have done wrong by cooperating with K, contrary to the collective agreement. V knows the collective agreement well, and she may be right about all her grievances. It's a fascinating case study, but also, I am exhausted. ✅Today I taught the Masters class for the whole day, which was also tiring. I have trouble keeping straight all the various agreements that need to be signed. I may have assigned credit to students who have not yet handed in their agreements. My teaching partners continue to flake out on me and I continue to pretend not to be angry. Presumably they are counting on this. ✅ My doctoral work is also making me tired. I love being a student, truly, but I am tired.