Counselling is making me really really tired. At the end of the day I can barely think, can barely navigate the road home while still listening to J's stories about what happened in Chemistry class. But not the kind of tired where I do not want to go back for more, because I do. There are at least two more weeks in this assignment, maybe more, so I'm going back for more.
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Sometimes when I look behind me before backing up my car, my eyes do not see anything even when something is there. This must mean I am not really looking, only thinking I am looking. Yesterday I did not notice a neighbour's car very close to the bottom of my driveway. I did not hit it, but it scared me when I noticed it.
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I skipped S's retirement party after work, which is sort of lousy. But I was in drone mode, post-counselling exhaustion had set in, and I still needed to go to the bank and the grocery store and the Drool Factory (I do not have a proper phrase to explain what that means, so please ignore it). So although I had said I would take J home and drop her off, then go to the party, I didn't. Instead, I picked up a bottle of wine and collapsed with it on the couch. It is possible that exhaustion is just an excuse and I would not have attended the party anyway because I strenuously dislike parties, especially work parties.
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T sent me a message:
It kind of gives me the icks that he talks to me like this, sort of babytalk-ish. I think it's because he kind of babytalked when he was being cute when we were a couple, and although it might have seemed cute when I was nineteen, now he's a 42 year old man, not a 22 year boy. It also grosses me out when he posts pictures of himself clearly taken by him in his own bathroom mirror, along with captions that are supposed to be inspirational about what a renegade individualist he is, travelling the world and refusing to conform. Again, these things impressed me (somewhat) when I was nineteen, but they seem preposterous coming from a 42 year old. Who is he talking to? Who are the people admiring this stuff? Is he still hanging out with nineteen year olds?
The picture he wants of himself with a beer can is also a relic of those days gone by. Him in plaid flannel with his hair to his shoulders, still at the tail end of nearly-healed teenage acne, and gesturing proudly at a can of Canadian beer, absolutely the love of my life at nineteen (him, not the beer). Look, he seems to be saying, I am old enough to drink legally! I wonder why on earth he wants this photograph. I presume, because he is one of the Documenters, he wants it so he can post it and have people admire it. But perhaps this is cynical. I do not actually know where the photograph is, nor do I feel like figuring out how to use the scanner, so I might just lie and say I can't find it. Or maybe I will play along.
But currently it is more important that I concentrate on my wine.
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5 comments:
If he were younger, he'd know it's "Y U No say hello?"
But, yes, more profitable to concentrate on your wine.
Yes, although he aims to impress the younguns he still needs to work on his slang in order to fit in fully.
In th end I was too lazy to mess with the scanner so I put the picture on the floor and took a cell phone picture of it. It came out sort of blurry and also sideways, neither of which did I bother attempting to correct. I hope this means he will not ask me any more favours such as this. :)
Ha ha ha ha! The intentionally inept approach! Works like a charm in deflecting future requests.
It sounds like you would relish a few days off to regroup and breathe...and probably without T intruding.
Yes, I am still unclear as to why Facebook dictates that we much must remain in interminable contact with people with whom we intentionally lost touch. Or when I will finally defy Facebook and stop allowing it to make this decision on my behalf.
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