I like it that in some ways I still do not entirely know my husband. I like that I can know him so well and still discover things I did not know. When you live with someone, share your world closely with someone, for a long time, it is too easy to stop noticing the small things you notice when you are still falling in love rather than having fallen and been unable to get up for a long, long time.
Shawn's contract ends in just a week, and this routine is part of his life. In his industry, jobs are always temporary. One works from contract to contract, searching always for a better contract. For a lot of years we have chased his contracts and lived a lot of different places so he could get the work and get the experience he needed. We grew accustomed to living apart at times so that he could chase without limitations.
Things are different now. Different because of J, of course. This child in our lives means things are different. Priorities are different. We promised her different things than we promised each other -- because she is a child and had less options than either of us ever had. Things are also different, perhaps, because we are older, though I hate to think that has anything to do with it.
I am watching him go through the familiar, by now, process of searching for the next contract. And I am noticing who he is, now.
Now he is no longer chasing work in other countries. Not even in other cities.
He has a reputation. (I'm interested to learn more about that, but of course people are careful about what they say.) The industry is incestuous and everyone knows everyone. They know, no matter where he applies to work, who he is. They know he is a genius, truly, and they also know he is hard to manage. He does not follow rules and he does not automatically respect authority. They always hire him with reservations because they are fearful of what he will say or do. But they want his brain. I like this about him, though it makes the process more difficult than it needs to be. I like that he is beautifully smart, I like that he is unpredictable, and I like that he is difficult to manage. Whatever it costs.
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6 comments:
I like all those qualities, too. I have always been difficult to manage, and was raised by people who considered it a bad thing. It took a very long time for me to realize that it was one of my strengths. And I am drawn to men and women who have the integrity to remain themselves, no matter what, because those are the people who are most trustworthy, and most interesting.
As a great non-respector of authority, I like that.
I like how you can see, and love him for who he is. Trying to change people never works.
He's crazy, I love him. Wouldn't change him even if I could. Susan, it surprises me not at all that you are also hard to manage!
Hmmm...beautifully smart, unpredictable, and difficult to manage... Hmmm...seems you have met your match! (and I mean that in the best possible way :))
'Beautifully smart'. Hmmm -- I figure it takes one to know one.
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