J is fourteen years old. We keep her computer in the living room so we can see what she is up to. I can see for myself that she isn't up to anything particularly interesting. The bad part is that I have to overhear all the aggravating little videos she finds so hilarious. The good part is that listening to her laugh makes me laugh.
She is going to be taller than me. We're eye to eye now, and she's wearing my jeans. She has no intention of stopping growing any time soon. Her mother was only 5'1''. I wonder who her father was, if he would have been interested to know her. He's missing out. Shawn is good for her. He gave her a diamond ring and asked her to be his daughter. She said yes.
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A grade ten boy called me babe today. I should have destroyed him but I was too tired. Instead I told him to get real so his friends could make fun of him. But really, I should have destroyed him. I am having a bad week.
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I am counselling a seventeen year old girl who has OCD. She cannot sleep because she keeps herself awake with worries about the world ending in 2012. She finds it difficult to walk past garbage cans and recycling bins because she wants to stop and fold all the paper inside them. When I talk to her I feel my own tendency toward obsessive compulsive thoughts start to break the surface. I keep myself awake thinking about work instead of the end of the world, and I would rather pick my cuticles than fold garbage, but it's all the same. Sometimes I have to suppress a snort because talking with her, I imagine that I will catch her obsessions and she will catch mine and we will sit together in that little office and tick at each other until we both blow up.
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15 comments:
It's all in how you look at it babe, it sounds to me like you are having a very good week!
(ehC)
Everytime you post something, I like to--have to--read it at least twice, the occasioanl third and sometimes, if i just can't keep myself from it, a forth--It's either my OCD, or what you write makes me have to reread (and think).
I believe it's the latter--I don't reread everybody's blog posts...
AC, there is *nothing* good about being a babe to a fifteen year old boy. Gross.
jb, perhaps you are just picking up my illness? I hope not, but you had better exercise caution just in case! (Thank you, though; it's a high compliment from a writer.)
Do you remember the boy who always wanted to shake hands and you would always shake his hand?
If you don't, I'll claim that story as my own.
(hotsfrel....a German breakfast food, perhaps)?
Oh yeah, vaguely. But I forget why he did that... do you remember? You should probably take it as your story because I think you will tell it better than I did, especially now that I have forgotten all the important details. My memory is awful.
Hotsfrel, yes like bratwurst. You want how many? I start counting and go until you shout stop. If too slow you have to eat them all. Go!
OCD seems to be the pits. It's as if there is an intense desire to control, to make things right...but it is just beyond possible.
Methinks the 'Babe' was an attempt at getting your attention. He did.
have you ever thought about just expressing what you are thinking,,, lololololol.. I always feel refreshed after you write one of these posts,,,
OC behavior is fairly common and we all have our areas. But true OCD - there is a torment of a disorder.
I think so too Jerry, that it's something to do with needing to control things, make things right, especially when one feels like life is too chaotic. (Yeah, he got my attention and I wish I was allowed to torture him.)
glnroz,,, the problem with saying what I am thinking is that once I start it is difficult to stop. I have to wait for the right moment.
secret agent, the difference between exhibiting the behaviours occasionally and having a full blown disorder seems so blurry to me. I know we can DSM it to decide whether it's diagnosable... but I'm still sometimes confused as how that makes any real difference if it makes the client uncomfortable, unhappy, etcetera. (I have a lot to learn, though. First to admit it!)
On the other hand, my mother has OCD (formally diagnosed) and it seems not to make her unhappy in the least. It only troubles everyone else. Go figure.
I'm just thinking of you. Thinking about so many snippits of good advice you've given me over the last - how many years has it been? I appreciate you, even though we rarely talk these days, I never feel you are more than a word away. Just wanted to tell you that. Love xoxo
Hmm. How many years. Eight maybe? I'm glad you still remember. I do too. Love xxx
I really love that Shawn gave J a diamond ring and proposed that she be his daughter.
I think I'm developing OCD of necessity because Flip no longer closes doors, or drawers, or turns off the stove, which he has no business using anyway since he doesn't cook... I am constantly checking on whether the front door is shut, and aware that he has exited the car and left his door open. Not sure this counts as bona fide OC behavior, though. More along the lines of clean up crew, I think.
Well OCD can be useful if you're able to obsess only over things that are useful. Like keeping the front door shut. I wish I could develop a compulsive interest in something productive. My compulsions are mostly completely useless.
THank you so much for your kind, kind comment. I'm sorry for your loss also. It's such a crazy thing to have to wrap your head around that method of death. I was trying to figure out how you found me and then I saw Secret Agent Woman's comment here. She's a favourite of mine!
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