Objective wonder

When students hand in their papers to me, they often write my name as “Dr. LastName” instead of just using my first name, as they do in class.  I feel compelled to correct this misconception; I do not own that title. I always tell them so on the first day of class. It is meant to be a point for us to bond over.  I understand how you feel, dear students, as I am also a student struggling to understand stupid APA7 and wondering why we can’t just have done with these old fashioned restrictions anyway. They don’t hear it. They keep writing Dr.; maybe it is meant to be aspirational. And maybe it works. I am one year deep into the three years, and I do not think I am going to quit.

My mother emailed their annual Christmas letter last week, a custom I loathe. It’s possible that I loathe it because she never remembers my existence when she is recounting all the wonderful things the family has been up to in the last year. But my nonexistence is also one of our special family traditions and it applies not only to the Christmas letter but also to death notices and autobiographical books in which I do not exist although I have stubbornly continued to suck up oxygen that could otherwise be used by plants or to fuel tire fires. (Or to blow your house down.) Maybe the actual reason I hate Christmas letters is that year when K sent a real Christmas letter in an envelope which exploded in a sun shower of red glitter when I opened it, and then added insult to injury by encouraging me to “vote Conservative” in the upcoming election. That was pretty revolting, but as I compare the two things, maybe my unrelenting invisibility really is the bigger problem. 

My vacation starts in a week, which feels unnecessary since everyone around me is on vacation at the same time.  If they are all on vacation there is nothing for me to do, which would make it a rather lovely time to be working. But I am still in the honeymoon phase of the new job at the university (not worth noting in the Christmas letter) and so I am not taking advantage. Maybe next year I will be more wiley about this. 

For what it’s worth I believe I have figured out why  the university hired me even though I was only in the first few months of doctoral studies (also not noted in the Christmas letter). It’s undoubtedly because of my background and recent certification (not notable) in conflict resolution. Because frankly, one of my colleagues is a pain in the ass. And it is my role to learn from her and take over her position while she moves into another department. Not fighting with her is my super power, because everyone else does.  I don’t plan to.  I don’t engage with this kind of stuff at all, not because I have any special certification but because I am not invested enough to be bothered. This is conflict resolution in action, approaching with a Buddha-like sense of detachment.  Whatever man. I’m cool.