Joe B

 Today I was remembering spring break 2019 when we went home for the holidays and then didn’t come back into the building for several months. The counselling team members were each assigned a quarter of the staff with whom we were supposed to connect, by phone, and check in to make sure they were okay. Emotionally okay.  One of my favourite moments happened because of this.  I called dozens of colleagues and listened to all their anxieties.  It was exhausting. At the end of the list, I texted Joe before calling because I don’t like receiving (or making) cold calls.  I asked if I could call him and he said he would call me back in a half hour.  I went outside to dig in my garden.  And half an hour later, my phone rang.  He stole my line, saying Hi, it’s Joe; I just thought I’d give you a call to see if you’re okay. And I thought he was serious, and felt this warm wave of fondness for Joe and his unanticipated sensitivity in noticing that I might also be having a hard time. And before I could thank him for being so lovely he busted out laughing and said, Just kidding.  It made me laugh really hard. Joe is funny in different ways than he means to be, but I still like him.

I went in to my old work today to fill in for a counsellor for a day, and I felt like a minor celebrity, with visits all day from people who wanted to say hello. I had agreed to go to a social thing with the staff after work and when I agreed to do it, I was thinking that having worked at home for a long time I would have energy and interest in this.  But I found that by the end of the workday, I’d really had enough and couldn’t bring myself to go. I bailed, just like old times. 

Yesterday there was conflict at my new workplace, really the first conflict that I have seen since I started there 8 months ago. I do not think it is over and I am interested to see how things unfold. Because I am so new I still feel relatively uninvested in the issue that has occurred and don’t feel like I have huge stakes in how it turns out. My goal is just to be autonomous so that I can work without being distracted.