I hit an orange cat today driving home from J's riding stables.  I saw it on the side of the road and slowed down because I was nervous about it being nearby.  And then it darted right into my wheels.  I stopped the car and got out to see if I could see the cat.  A woman with a dog was standing on the side of the road, and I was afraid it was her cat.  I asked her if I hit the cat because I hadn't actually heard or felt any impact.  She said, Yaaa in this kind of lazy way like it was no big deal, and I think I said, Oh my god, or maybe I apologized, or something equally clever.

I started looking for it on the side of the road but it was nowhere to be found.  The woman blew smoke at me and said, Well that's whatcha git fer speedin', like a dead cat was exactly what I deserved.  My just desserts.  Not what the cat deserved, of course, but what I deserved for speeding.  Except I wasn't speeding, I really wasn't.  I never speed on that road because it's a country road full of cats and rabbits and birds and stupid women walking their dogs.  I told her I wasn't speeding, though I don't know why I really bothered with that because it didn't matter.  I mean she clearly didn't care about the cat so there wasn't any need for me to defend myself.  But she said, Yeah ya were, and blew more smoke at me and then told her dog to go find the cat.  The dog did not respond in any way whatsoever.

I said, Was that your cat?  Or is there someone else I need to go talk to?  And she said, Naw it's jist some feral cat bin hangin' 'round my place.  I'll keep watch fer it.  Like maybe it was alive after all.  Like maybe I hadn't really hit it (I hope) or like maybe it wasn't killed and was just hiding somewhere while it got over its surprise.  I don't know.  I stared at her, feeling like I wanted to cry, and she said, It's at least the twentieth one this week.

I wonder if that was true or if she was just being mean.  I hated her.  I wanted to crawl down into the ditch and find the cat and take it to the vet and make it be okay.  I didn't do that.  I got back in my car and drove home, tried to pay attention to the road and not be upset, tried not to run over any other living things.


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