Shawn is building something. I'm not quite sure what it is but I'm interested. We went to the liquor store and the hardware store on the way home from work. The guy who rang through my bottle at the liquor store was 25 and flirtatious.
At the hardware store, Shawn spent literally forty-five minutes mumbling to himself and taking imaginary measurements in his head while digging through bins of things. I like the hardware store very much in general but I was thinking about my bottle of wine sitting in the car and wishing he would hurry up.
Back at the hardware store, Shawn handed me a greasy bit of pipe and asked me to hold onto it for him - and it was this that caught my attention, the tag on the greasy piece of pipe that said lubricated shaft. Seriously. Inspired by the pipe, I took it and I wandered off to play an impromptu Hardware Store Porn Game which involved finding signs and tags that said pornographic or suggestive things and taking pictures of them. Shawn told me I was juvenile and smiled like a wolf.
It was surprising how many signs I found. I started with the low-hanging fruit first, of course, the nuts and screws and studs, and worked my way from there to tongue & groove and couplings and 3/4 inch nipples and so forth. Hmmm. At the end of my tour I had sixteen pictures and had nearly forgotten about my wine. These are my priorities. I'm a simple soul.
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7 comments:
Good...it's not only me that makes these lurid associations!
Nope, the hardware store is a mecca of inspiration.
I'm always amused by female jacks and male plugs, and then there's always ball joint and yes, nipples galore. Male connectors are inserted into female ones, and you have to wonder who ever thought of that in the first place. Hardware stores are veritable sex shops.
Maybe Shawn is building you a wine rack.
I suspect men decided on the terminology.
It has been a week since you left me picturing you holding a lubricated shaft and looking at porn. I HATE you please love me. Aren't you going to tell what was built?
(ehC)
I would like a wine rack but the problem is that I never have enough wine in the house to warrant a rack for it. I buy it, I drink it, one bottle at a time. I think I like the idea of always having some on hand, but I wonder if that would be too tempting...
I do agree that it was probably men in charge of hardware store nomenclature but I am not sure I would not have come up with equally suggestive names if I'd been on the committee.
The thing that was built was nothing to do with me; the lubricated shaft was a chin-up bar he attached to the wall in the garage. I have no intention of going anywhere near it.
I used to have my own lumber/hardware store. I am glad i had not read this then, or I am afraid my lady customers would have thought i had a permanent sunburn,, lol
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