21st century

Yesterday I gave a presentation to my staff about our province's new initiative toward more complete inclusion for students in the LGBTQ community.  I am our staff "Lead" for this initiative (a title that means nothing) which makes it my responsibility to keep staff educated and updated about our District's work in this realm.

I don't especially love public speaking, particularly presenting to teachers -- who tend to make poor students.  But the staff was receptive, and I appreciated it.  I suspect they sensed my discomfort and felt compelled to be kind.

My favourite part happened during the coffee break when the dance teacher came up to ask me why the new class lists don't show students' sex the way they did back in 1998.  I explained to her that this has become a non-issue in that we no longer divide classes by sex, and we also try not to make assumptions about a students' gender - not to be confused with their sex.  All this was in the presentation, but I don't know that she really understood it.  She seemed unconvinced.

Then she told me that she hated the fact that our large South Asian population seems to favour names that are used for both males and females, preventing her from figuring out sex that way too.  She said she wanted to know why they can't just have normal names like John and Sally and Bob.

While I was still recovering from that, she leaned in close to whisper in my ear and ask me if one of our staff members (who identifies as two-spirited) has both male and female genitalia.  At that point I busted out laughing because I really couldn't take it anymore.

After that she patted my arm and told me I was doing a good job on the presentation and that if I was nervous I could just picture everyone naked.  I wonder if that's why she feels the need to know what kind of genitals everyone has, so she can picture them naked accurately.


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don't bark

This afternoon I went for a massage.  Massage therapy is something that has intrigued and repelled me for years.  I have only ever been for a massage one other time.

What intrigues me (obviously) is:
* health benefits
* endorphin snacks
* using health benefits I pay for

What repels me is:
* being touched by a stranger
* paying for being touched by a stranger
* and something more difficult to define that has to do with socioeconomic classes, the same way I cannot pay someone to clean my house or give me a pedicure because it feels too close to paying someone to pull me in a rickshaw while their feet are bleeding, and I know this is sort of irrational, but I can't totally get over it, and believe me when I say I have tried.

Still.  I managed to let go of what was repelling me long enough to do some research, find a registered massage therapist, make an appointment, and attend it.  It was not blissful like the other time I went for a massage.  (I think the first time was a "relaxation" massage, while this one was meant to be therapeutic.)  There was some pain, not really the good kind.  Although it felt good afterward, the way pain does, when the endorphins rush in to fill up the spot that was hurting.

I am trying to push through my semi-phobia about massage therapy and just do it, because I feel like it could be beneficial.  My stupid back and neck get sore from working at my stupid computer, and I do believe there is good reason to think a proper massage once in awhile could help.

I have set some goals for myself this school year, goals around attending better to my own selfish self, because I began to recognize what burnout would feel like if one more person asked me for one more thing on the last day of school... when I felt some kinship with people who go on killing sprees.  And attending better means things like going home at the end of a work day instead of trying to do the whole next day's work at the end of the day to save myself stress the following day (it never works like that).  And it means not doing work at home in the evenings and on weekends all the time.  Not letting my career completely devour my life (and me) and spitting out bone dust.  And it probably means that using my health benefits to have a massage every few weeks would be a good thing too to prevent my spine from turning into a circle.  So I'm trying to make some shifts in my thinking and my behaviour, and choosing a change I can make.  Paying a stranger to inflict pain on me is a strange place to start, but probably one of the easiest.  I can only imagine what the cascade effect will be.

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September

I worked my first day back from summer on Monday.  It was a nice day because I was working alone; the rest of my department was not invited for this one.  This was just me and my computer fixing up schedules.  It's fantastic how quickly things get done when you aren't being interrupted every five minutes.

I was interrupted at one point, however, by my adminstrator, K.  K wanted me to go through my notes (and memories) to see what instances I could recall of M's incompetence.  M is being investigated by the licensing body, and this is a serious thing, the kind of investigation that can result in a person losing their license if found grossly incompetent, and even if only found to be somewhat incompetent, a person's name can be published for all to see.  I think I might find that worse than losing my license.

Something that surprised me was the fact that K doesn't seem to have her own file or memories of all the crazy things that M has done in the last few years.  Things that been burned into my memory.  Maybe this means K is disorganized.  (Or maybe it means I ruminate too much.)  It seems to me that the fact that M has been allowed to continue her pattern of incompetence for so long is a comment on several cylces of administration as well as it is on her.  The fear of our union (I assume) has prevented them from taking appropriate action for a very long time, but it seems clear, now that the licensing body is investigating, that things have gone too far.

M did not make me very angry last school year.  She was only working half time, and so she had less time to be irritating.  In the time she was there, she seemed to be working more often than not (which is new) and seemed to get more done than she has in the last decade.  So she wasn't high on my radar.  (Interesting that now is when things are coming to light.)  I have gotten better at ignoring her too, which is a relief.  Frankly, I hope this investigation results in her being removed from her position - although I think this is unlikely - because sometimes I want to believe in Justice.

Next, C.  C is not grossly incompetent.  She is simply aggravating.  Obnoxious.  Entitled.  That kind of thing.  I guess she can't be investigated for that.  But I can work on doing a better job of ignoring her too.  And I will.  Because here comes September.


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sorry

D

D has been writing to me the last couple of days.  I normally try (really hard) not to use my work email over the summer, not to encourage kids or parents to contact me when they need to learn to contact professionals in the community.  Or just deal.  But with D it's different.  He wasn't looking for me to help him or to do anything for him.  He just wanted to tell me he was doing okay and ask me how my summer was going.  I love this kid so much.

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