the next system moves in tomorrow

When L told me he'd read my mother's book, I felt an odd and unexpected sense of betrayal, odd on several counts.  Odd because, a.) L owes no loyalty as we don't really know one another anymore, b.) L does not know I have any problem with the book, and c.) he likely read the book because I promoted it, at my mother's request.

Logic does not exactly assuage the feeling, however, and something prickly inside me wanted to pursue it.  He told me his wife (ex-wife?) is similarly ill.  This is sad, of course, for him and for their children.  But I still wanted to point out that he has been chasing the mentally ill since I met him in eighth grade.  And I wanted to ask him what he gets out of being in a relationship with someone who is damaged and dependant - because clearly this is exactly what he seeks.  It is what he was drawn to as a young teenager, and it is who he continued to be drawn to in adulthood and took seriously enough to marry and have children...  (This might be the least compassionate response a person could have when an old friend is expressing a vulnerable part of himself.  What tempts me to take a bloody swipe at his jugular while it's softly exposed?)

I resisted the pull toward this ugly line of interrogation, but felt relieved when he had to go to take a business call in case I lost control of my tongue.  (T always tells me she is frightened in meetings when I do not speak because my silence is so loud.  I prefer this vision of myself, as having the power to capture everyone's attention without speaking.  But unfortunately I have less discipline over the things that come out of my mouth than she thinks.)  I managed to keep myself quiet.

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T texted me this morning to tell me she is taking the day off work to go to a doctor appointment.  She did not know that I had also booked today off.  My purpose - to take one of the dogs to the doggy dentist.  This is not a valid use of sick time, but it is my first sick day this school year, so I feel no guilt.  And I am pleased that T and I are away on the same day because I dislike working without her.  People will likely think we have taken the day off to play hooky together - which would have been fun if we had organized ourselves better.

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I am rather fascinated by Kinder Morgan's announcement today about halting work on the Trans Mountain Pipeline expansion project.  Rachel Notley is losing her shit at British Columbia and the whole thing has me mesmerized.  I wonder if this is like a bull fight - or if it is more a game of chicken.  Are the threats real?  Are the weapons really sharp?  Will Albertans really stop drinking BC wine?


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