mistrial

Travelling with him causes me to puzzle over my relationship with RW.  There are times we are very much in synch with each other; those moments when you can look across a room and make eye contact and know exactly what the other person is thinking and it makes you bust out laughing.  Likewise we have these lovely moments where we are able to predict what the other one needs and provide it ahead of time preventing the momentary glitch that would otherwise have caused a jolt.

And yet, there are also moments where I find myself irritated to a degree that I have to leave the space he occupies.  We are such different people, and I struggle with some aspects of his personality - in particular his incessant narrative, delivered at full volume, without time for a breath.  I believe in his intentions (to entertain, to share, to connect) but I find it exhausting that he fills every space with noise and rarely ever stops to listen.  It leaves no room for anyone else to have a thought, an idea, a personality, and everyone around him becomes an audience member (welcome) or invisible (unwelcome).  I start out as audience but always fade to invisible by the end of the trip because I cannot maintain interest or patience.  And it seems that the more I retreat, the more manic his need to be the centre of attention becomes.

It is now another year until we do this again (maybe) - which gives me plenty of time to recover.  And him plenty of time to develop new material.

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