more tarriffs

There are two weeks left in my work year, two weeks that will be filled with all the administrative garbage that goes with this job, scheduling and timetabling for next school year, and then undoing the work that has been done because teachers want to make changes, and then undoing that work because students and parents want to make changes, and then doing it all over again.  This is the time of year when the rest of the staff are taking it easy, and sending me invitations to join them for long lunches, sunshine patio beers after work, all of which I don't even have time to answer let alone attend.  It's usually the worst two weeks of the year (aside, perhaps, from the first two weeks of September).  With that said, I am entering these two weeks less frazzled than usual, partly because I have learned the job to a greater degree and know how to do most of the things people are asking me for.  And partly because I have also learned how to say no to some things that I used to answer reflexively in the affirmative.  CC is on mat leave, and has been replaced by someone who is a far more pleasant colleague.  I am trying to just enjoy the new situation - but of course I am already thinking about how awful it will be by comparison when CC returns.

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I think I have fallen into a new routine that has taken the extreme dips and crests to a more central place.  Even still, navigation is a challenge.  I do not know what I am doing.  I really do not know what I am doing, and it doesn't make sense.  I am drawn to those zen-like things that people say about things happening for a reason, but the reason here is probably not so wonderful (I have something to learn... I have something to teach... ).  Probably the reason is that I am incapable of - or disinterested in - acting like an adult.

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