hallmarks of illness

there is this strange dichotomous feeling that pulls me in two directions. on the one hand i have the second job at the university ("faculty associate" sounds like such a grown up career) and the doctoral program application in process... and on the other hand, as summer winds down i just want to quit my job and do nothing but sit on the couch. i cant take a middle road; it's too much or it's nothing at all. *