useless now

A is still home, and has gone out of contact for the last 24 hours, which is unusual.  (It would certainly be supportive of me to make his tragedy about me and my insecurities.)  It activates my doubts about everything - maybe because of the way tragedy makes me question my own decisions and ways of doing things, and energizes change.  The urge is to make a million assumptions about how he will return, changed, and prepare myself for those.  I won't.  I do not want him to have to contend with anything extra.

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On Friday I met with D and the new people on his support team.  It is good to see that certain bells I rang two years ago have continued chiming, and it is strange to be on the periphery of caring for this young man when I was once at the centre.  It is a relief to have passed off the responsibility to other professionals, and difficult to trust them.  Yet, they seemed to be doing the right things for him, with the exception of his social worker, who has always seemed to be moving in slow motion.

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S is away camping again this weekend, and J and I have been left to our own devices.  Neither of us went anywhere or did anything remarkable, other than ordering takeout food.  We really know how to live it up.

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