pen

Do you ever notice how different people are in writing than they are in person?  I guess it has to do with a mix of a.) literary skill/training/interest and b.) social skills.

For example... my husband is not especially good in writing.  He is abrupt, to say the least.  One word answers are generally what I expect from texting him, and so I usually only text him to make small requests: Can you get the mail? or to give him information: You have a dentist appointment today at 4:00.  I might even say, I love you and get Love in return, but I know better than to expect a sonnet.

If I met him on an online dating service, I would skip over him very quickly, because I would assume he was a bit of an ape, which in actual fact he is not.  But he doesn't enjoy typing, and he doesn't enjoy putting his thoughts into written form.  He's happy to talk about things, but I don't ask him to write things down.  His social game is high, his written game is low to average.

I think I'm the opposite.  I like putting thoughts into writing because I can rethink them or correct them or delete them.  And it helps me sort myself out.  However, my social game is lame.  It involves a lot of long pauses and sarcasm.  It makes me think of Gavin, who writes very beautiful things, witty things, self-deprecating things; if I met Gavin in an online dating forum I would be highly intrigued by him, but in reality he is a very peculiar man who does not recognize faces, and does not know about things like sharing, or being on time, or making small talk.  I have a lot of empathy for people like Gavin (I think I have some of these shortcomings too) but I would not want to be married to him.
And then there's Rohan, who I always enjoyed in person, but who makes me furious when he writes things because somehow everything he puts down in writing comes off as arrogant and rude and intolerant.  It makes me dislike him, even though I liked him very much when we saw each other regularly.

I wonder which version of yourself is more real, the written version or the in-person version.



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