Portugal

In the last 24 hours in Lisbon I have been offered cocaine and hash more times than I have been offered these things in the whole rest of my life.  I am pretending in my head that it is because I am on a working trip that I have declined everything offered to me, but the truth is that it is mostly because the great risk-taking days of my life are done anyway.  My wild nights now in Lisbon consist of sneaking a few glasses of wine and some cigarettes at the end of the day.  It does not make me sad to find myself more interested in getting six hours of sleep than in testing these waters.  It probably makes RW a little sad; I have accepted the fact that on these trips I am the voice of reason.

Being the voice of reason is not my strongest suit, but I recognize that I choose my people this way.  I choose people with good boundaries who say no on my behalf and make it easy for me to shrug and tell myself that I am far more exciting than I really am.  In this way RW is a terrible match for me because I think he would prefer me to say yes on his behalf so he would have someone else to blame when things go crazy.

I do not accept that there is something about me that attracts these offers.  I believe the 82 year old grandmothers received the same invitations I did today. Truly.